Feel Like I Might Make A Second Attempt

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Highly_Medicated, Mar 30, 2014.

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  1. Highly_Medicated

    Highly_Medicated New Member

    I am diagnosed with "double depression" due to an underlying lifelong case of dysthmia. I'm on 4 medications, all of which are either indicated for depression or an adjunct to antidepressants. I've been hospitalized 4 times for suicidal thoughts and to be honest the first three were not serious thoughts, just my way of trying to get someone to help me. Anyways in October (after my 3rd hospitalization) I tried to OD on my meds and my ex gf's meds combined and woke from my coma 5 days later in the ICU. A few months later I went back to the hospital and upon leaving decided to break up with my ex (who also suffered from depression) because I thought it might help both of us. It didn't.

    I'm growing sick of feeling like this. I've tried so many medications and none of them work. I feel so cold, numb and alone and I can't shake the feeling. I don't want to live a life like this and tonight the thought of committing suicide has popped back into my head. I'm not going back to the hospital again there's no point and I mean I'm probably going to go on to do it eventually anyways. I need to try and make a less impulsive decision but I fear I may decide to do it tonight and need someone to talk to that won't call the police on me to bring me back into the psych ward.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ihope you continue to talk to us here ok I know it get so hard dealing with the sadness but dam coming here it does help I find talking to someone that does get it helps hun
    So you keep reaching out to us ok we will not judge The thing is with each new day new treatments come out new meds and maybe just maybe that right combination will come to you and you will be so happy you hung on ok Hugs to you
  3. AnaNg

    AnaNg Antiquities Friend

    Please hang on and keep talking to us here. There are a lot of great folks here and some really good support. If you haven't checked it out, the chat room is a good place to go when you want to talk to someone in real time and not have to wait for a reply on the forum. There is usually always someone in there. It can be a little quiet sometimes late at night or if folks are talking in private messages. If you need to talk and it's quiet, send someone in chat a direct private message.

    You mentioned that you have taken several medications but I was wondering if you'd tried any of those plus talk therapy? Talk therapy (aka counseling or psychotherapy) can be very effective at helping manage depression and helping to deal with any issues that may be causing it. It can be even more effective when combined with the right medication. You'll need a psychiatrist to help manage your meds and a psychologist, counselor, or social worker to do the talk therapy. If you can get these two professionals talking to each other, that helps too. I have the same diagnosis as you -- major depression and dysthymia and PTSD as well. I know all too well how difficult it is and how tiring it is and how it feels like it will never end. I've suffered with MDD and dysthymia for the better part of 25 years. The thing is, I've managed to make it through the dark valleys and though I've struggled (and mightily at times!), I've made it 25 years. I have absolutely been to the edge and although I've never attempted, I know of several times when I would have if I'd not been stopped. I am so sorry you're going through this too. Please hang on and let us help you walk through this. ((((hugs))))

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