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Feel like I was born in the wrong colour skin

#1
Does anyone else ever feel like they were born in the wrong colour skin? I was adopted from Sri Lanka at 6 weeks old and have lived in Australia for my entire life bar that first 6 weeks. My family is white, I have no issue with people of any colour, race etc. I know I am not actually white, and that the adopted / living in Australia / growing up with a white family factors contribute. But I just feel like I was born with the wrong colour skin. It is hard for most people to understand and I don't want to offend anyone, I just wanted to know if anyone else is like me or whether I'm just more messed up than I already know I am 🙄
 

Quietus

Well-Known Member
#2
I can sort of understand that. You feel... out of place, because you are technically from a different race/culture than your family.

You aren't messed up, just seemingly dealing with identity struggles.

I am biracial, white and black, and I come from a majority black family. I am white-passing, or otherwise "racially ambiguous", so at times I have felt as though I have no place, or identity, because while I had a tendency to favor european features, I also wanted to relate to my black peers, but couldn't, and often felt as though I was not "black enough".

Personally, I do not think you were born in the wrong skin, even though you feel like you were. You just want to match, relate to your family on that primal level. It's like some deep-rooted sense of tribalism or something.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#3
I mean I've never felt like I was born in the wrong skin color, but I have felt like I didn't connect with the culture of those that look like me. I've grown up in a predominantly Caucasian American culture, but I've gotten crap from both latinos and caucasians for not being fully one thing or the other. At this point, I don't give a shit anymore. I don't fit in anyway in general.

I have greenish blue eyes so I'm not latina enough and tan skin so I'm not caucasian enough.
 
#4
Thanks so much for your replies 🙏 It's hard because I still get surprised when look in the mirror (e.g. to brush my teeth etc) that the face staring back at me isn't white. And when I'm talking to my friends I forget and include myself in a saying that involves skin colour or something (not in a bad sense, just general everyday stuff). They're totally used to it and it's an ongoing joke that I'm whiter than all of them in things I say or do (again, no one means this in a negative way and neither do I - it's nice to fit in). I don't identify with dark skinned people at all in terms of culture (as in where I'm from etc), and I know I have felt this way my entire life. I actually wish there was a legitimate name for it as there are with some other things that society finally got their heads screwed on about. I feel more racial attention from people who share my skin colour - I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for who I go for in cricket (hate it, give me AFL any day), if I like curry (I don't - it's too hot!) or having bollywood music turned up if I get in a taxi and the driver is of similar origin. It actually makes me both sad and angry that the assumptions are there. It's not even that I just want other people to see me as white (I do), but I see myself that way (again, I know that I'm not but that's just how I feel). I don't want to offend anyone who might read this and think I think badly about one race or another, it's not that at all, I just want people to see me on the outside as how I feel on the inside...
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#5
To me it speaks of some very obvious stereotypical lines drawn between races that influence how people see skin color, which leavers darker people on the inferior end of the spectrum.

I've had judgment and racism from both sides of the coin. I've had latinos ask me why I don't sound latino, or speak Spanish better. Come up to me and assume I like certain things, speak a certain way and judge me if I like things not from their culture.

I've had caucasians assume I was a thief when I was a teenager because of my skin color, the white side of my family treated us like second class citizens.. and this was obvious.

In the end though, I think it's normal to feel different and out of place when you don't look like everyone that you associate with. I don't think it makes you a horrible person at all, but I do hope you start to like your appearance because I do think that matters.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#6
Hi there,

I can totally identify with what you’re saying. I was born in Asia, and then adopted as a baby, by Americans, raised in America, and etc. etc~*•> so, I know what it is like to be judged! The funny thing is, where I was raised was a million times more racist than any other place I’ve been. Though I didn’t receive an overwhelming abundance of it - & in fact, had still to this day, probably, my best romantic leads (which is truly a sad thing to admit: for instance, in my senior year of high school, I was asked to attend the prom by 3 different girls. . . But anyway ^~*~^ that is another matter!). I think the primary reason for this was that I had a lot of friends from an early age, and was thus exposed to a lot of different people growing up, in terms of “cliches,” in school.
Now, fast forward to college. Much, much worse. Here what you have is many people from the same background (white), but not from the same town as you. They may have come from bigger places, or smaller, a vast majority of them were from within the same state. I also held a number of typical college type jobs, so that, too... was a bit of a learning experience - or “learning curve,” of sorts. In the sense that, yes! Time has marched on (so presumably, racism is lessening & we’re all getting better as a nation and so on, and so forth.”). But what is diminishing, is your relationship history with folks . So no w you are suddenly being seen as a “foreigner,” or someone from another country (until they first meet—& then get to know you - if that even happens at all). But my point is that all the “credit,” built up from those you grew up with is gone. From across the room, parking lot, college campus, you look just like a student who’s “fresh off the boat!” Again, to an uneducated American who doesn’t have corresponding experience with - whereas I’m quite sure I walked down the streets of the country from which I came - which I know next to nothin g about (because it could be no cooler, or uncool a thing to be, than to be different growing up...) they’d (the locals) would be able to point and spot me out from across the room.

all this to kind of say, in a roundabout way (sorry for that!) that I do understand you—& where you’re coming from. You’re probably a whole lot younger than me - so, the only or best advice I could give, is to just try and accept it for what it is. And try not to fight it, and or change it. Because until every body or every one is completely ‘color blind,’ and thus ‘culture blind,’ it’s not gonna happen. I’m guess ing your friends are just busting your backside (for fun, or as you say, in a friendly way...) but I do understand that this still hurts, as it’s like pointing out that hey 👋 you’re different than us. But it is also the easiest thing to pick on, or make fun of - joke about... so in other words, from a comedians point of view. It is like the lowest level of comedy. The dumb blonde joke, for example. If or so long as they aren’t mean-spirited about it, you maybe not want to take it to heart. Because despite what they say and what they do, they sound like they probably mean well. If you were white, and born Australian. I’m sure, all other things being equal, they’d find something else to joke on you about (if they liked you).
But just try to do you r best to let these things go, because they are out of your hands , and your control, ultimately. It is what it is. Maybe one day you can (if you so choose) move back or go visit where you were born. I understand that this could have absolute zero interest right now, as for the longest time - I was in your shoes too. I don’t think I saw a female of my race in person (besides my sister), until I was 25! ;) just think about that—? :D

anyways, hope that wasn’t too much! What you’re feeling is very human. But sometimes it pays to be ‘inhuman!’ ;) you may try to talk to your friends and explain your situation which might lessen or lighten the load some. But because or since I wouldn’t expect them to understand (how could you expect them to having not gone through it themselves?) —they can imagine, yes, but that will probably be pale & not compare to what you know. So, it’s kind of a useless / meaningless fight. But it might make it somewhat better, who knows? Hopefully, it wouldn’t make things worse - becaus they feel youve suddenly Now made things “weird!” : ) but if they’re true friends that probably won’t happen.
In short (which I know this has been anything by but!), let it go-
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#7
Although I am a mutt or mongrel I am a bit of many things even though I am Casper the friendly ghost in appearance, short, bald and fat. Dad's family was mainly German but also Scotts-Irish about 60/40 and my mother's side is mainly English-Irish but about a 40 percent mix of Hispanic, Black and Commanche.
 

Gonz

Over Cardiac Arrest
#8
I feel similarly at times. I'm, like, super white, but was adopted into large Latino family as a baby and have a Hispanic last name and everything. And then the other side of my adoptive family is Jewish, and I don't look like them at all either.

So while I do visibly fit in with the stereotypical American appearance (tall [very] white boy), I also look very out of place in Hispanic or Jewish spaces which are actually the cultures I feel most strongly connected to.

Like, part of the reason I understand Spanish much better than I speak it is because of the weird looks I get from Spanish speakers whenever it comes out of my mouth. Not because I'm speaking it poorly (though I may be), but because I'm speaking it at all.

Or it's never white people who act surprised and start questioning me about my incongruously Hispanic last name.

It'd really come out when we used to do these week long family reunion / beach camping trips every summer when I was young. That side of the family is really big, so there'd be dozens of little dark-skinned Mexican kids running around all week, along with my white ass, sticking out like a giant pale (increasingly sunburnt) sore thumb.
 

tlaud

Well-Known Member
#9
We are who we are, but others' human tendency is to "judge" based on how we look, not by who we are.

I think I'm Caucasian, but my grandparents immigrated to the USA from Sicily, which was invaded at least 20 times. How far from Africa was Sicily? 96 miles, the distance between New York City and Philadelphia.

When I was a wee lad I spent after school time with an African-American friend. We hung out, played, spent time inside his home, and when his father came home and saw me inside his house, what was this boy doing inside their home? Because to Caucasians, African-Americans were the wrong type, and I had not reached the age to understand that prejudice.

I have some experience, like dating a Latina once upon a time as an adult, and at a family gathering of hers, I was forbidden to put food on my plate. I was scolded by a woman and was told to sit down at the table while she took care of it...I violated their cultural standard. No two cultures are the same, and racial B.S. can be from crap pushed at us by family recommendations, stupidity, fear, etc., etc.

I've shared some of my experience spending time in other cultures to better understand them, and will just say that some are better than others.
 

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