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Feel like I'm running out of options-- damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Onewithwings, Feb 8, 2012.

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  1. Onewithwings

    Onewithwings New Member

    I am an addict and I have 16 days clean. I have many co-occuring disorders, including Asperger's, Bipolar, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Depression, and PTSD. I am currently on Depakote and Seroquel, which are maybe keeping me from going off the edge, but I'm still very depressed, and sometimes I just lose hope. I also have a current prescription for Valium, which I try to take sparingly, since it can be habit forming, but lately my depression and anxiety are getting worse, and I have to take the valium more and more often. I was only prescribed a little bit, and will be out soon. My next psychiatrist appointment is not for another 3 weeks and I only have 2 pills left (they gave me a total of 6, at the end of last month). I can't deal with this anxiety and these panic attacks anymore. I try to reach out, but my social anxiety is so bad that I can't even make a phone call. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go back to using, it was killing me. I can't become dependent on a pill to fix me every time I break down. I can't do it alone, but I can't reach out. I don't have any control over my own life. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I spend more and more time asleep because it's my only escape. When I don't have anything left to help me, I always relapse. I can't afford that anymore, it's not working, but neither is anything else. I get sick to my stomach at the thought of leaving the house or making a phone call. I don't know how to help myself when I can't even reach out for help. I break down in tears every day because I'm going insane. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on when I'm falling apart at the seams. HELP!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps talking to your pdoc letting know the valium is not working now and that perhaps an increase in your seriquel is needed or another anti anxiety med is needed
    You need to call you doc okay and get something changed so you do not get worse
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