Feel like I'm staying alive out of obligation--just want to spare others guilt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lawstudentindebt, Nov 14, 2009.

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  1. lawstudentindebt

    lawstudentindebt Active Member

    I don't really feel like living--I don't wake up with a sense that this is going to be a good day or that I'll accomplish anything meaningful or the day will be worth living through. I have access to a way of killing myself but resist only because I know that no matter what I say in a letter, it will permanently scar my family, which I think would be selfish. So I feel like I'm just making a generous sacrifice by staying alive, but if pleasing others is the only reason I'm staying, it's hard not to keep justifying to myself.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Welcome! It's good to post here, maybe even start a diary here, as it will help get the trapped feelings out.

  3. Anonymous11

    Anonymous11 Member

    I know the feeling well. Your not alone :)
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I feel the same.. I can't do it because my daughter and grandaughter would never get over it.. My brother in law died this year and my grandaughter went up to the viewing and broke down..She hung on to me for the next couple of days..As we were leaving she walked up to the car and gave me a single rose..It tugged at the heart strings because I was having mixed feelings..I wanted to change places with my brother in law..
  5. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hi lawstudentindebt,

    I know how it feels staying alive for someone else. I know as well what suicide will do to my family, and it is the main reason for me being alive at this very moment. Well that and SF :D .

    Looking back at the worst of times over the last few years, it was actually a useful tool to help me through those times when I didn't have enough willpower to do so. Maybe you could begin to think about what things need to change in your life in order to start living for yourself.

    I hope you find what you need. Take care!

  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey glad you are able to post what your feeling I want so badly for the pain to end but know i would never do that. Being recipeint of someone who committed suicide i know how it destroys others lifes. I am glad you are here as lots of support here and hopefully in time you will be able to get help you need to live life for you without all the pain take care.
  7. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Pretty much all of us feel its an obligation. Besides, if your family fought for you, loved you and spent all their time, sweat and money taking care of you, it would indeed be selfish for you to kill yourself.

    Then you can look at another side and say 'its my life' tough.... Such a confusing subject.
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