feel like its not worth it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by feellikegiivingup, Dec 5, 2011.

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  1. feellikegiivingup

    feellikegiivingup New Member

    I just feel like its not worth fighting for...like I am not worth fighting for...just found out i have cancer in my lung....stressed out, can't work because dr. hasn't released me to go back. If I don't work I cant pay my insurance and without insurance, I can't get treatment....on top of all this...my boyfriend of a year, decided today was the day to tell me that he wanted to break up. I was surprised and hurt, asked him why and he said because he didn't want to put himself and his children, through watching me sick and maybe die...what kind of person does that? I moved in with him a year ago, I sold all my stuff, spent the money on fixing up his house, got my inheritance from my father's death (from cancer---mom died of cancer too) and used it to help with bills here, buying christmas presents for kids, its GONE...this was all last year, so I know he didn't just use me for the money. But I make just a little over minimum wage, half of that is taken for child support (my exhusband had custody) so I bring home barely 300 every two weeks...I can't live on that alone. I had a new truck when I moved in here, but he convinced me it was not "family friendly" and he convinced me to trade it for a car....a month ago the motor went out on the car...I work 30 miles from where I currently live, and my transportation was his car....I am screwed...I love him so much, I don't want to live with out him, but I could do it...if that was all I was dealing with....but with everything stacking on top of each other, I am at my breaking point....I can't take it anymore. I have never attempted suicide...and really don't know that I would have the guts to do it anyway...but the thought has crossed my mind at least 100 times today...it would be so easier....i don't have anything to lose....I know it is selfish...but the pain is unbearable...I am scared and alone, I can't talk to my friends about this...they wouldnt understand...I just need some help.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How awful, to have to deal with something as scary as cancer and to have the person you counted on abandon you...that is just not right...you sound very resourceful, so I am sure you will find ways to help yourself...I am so sorry he did this to you, that you have this illness, and worst of all, that when you truly needed someone, the person you love is so selfish and uncaring
     
  3. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hi feellikegiivingup. I think the most important thing now is that you find treatment for your lung cancer. Is there any person you could live with for a while? Like your parents/grandparents or close friends? This way you will be able to pay for your health insurance.
     
  4. Chris516

    Chris516 Member

    I know what you mean about people not really understanding. I don't think my family really understands how I feel. My mother told me several years ago that my younger brother was suicidal. When my mother told me this, my first thought was that, my brother was lucky he was not in the same room with me when I found out. Because he has not had to deal with being born with lifelong health problems, almost dropping out of high school, dropping out of college twice, and being divorced ultimately on account of bad health. I think about suicide every day. No one really cares anyway.
     
  5. Chris516

    Chris516 Member

    I know what you mean about people not really understanding. I don't think my family really understands how I feel. My mother told me several years ago that my younger brother was suicidal. When my mother told me this, my first thought was that, my brother was lucky he was not in the same room with me when I found out. Because he has not had to deal with being born with lifelong health problems, almost dropping out of high school, dropping out of college twice, and being divorced ultimately on account of bad health. I think about suicide every day. No one really cares anyway.
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Whenever I read a post like this, I thank God for the national health service.
    Cancer is enough to be dealing with without having to worry if you can afford treatment.

    As to the boyfriend, when I worked a cancer ward we had (hate to say it but it was nearly always men) husbands of 20/30 years
    running away and leaving their partner to get on with it.
    A sad state of affairs. :sad:

    Have you any living family?
    I'd suggest getting in touch with them as soon as possible, you will need some emotional and practical support and family usually rally round when needed.
    Also, over here we have an organisation called the Macmillan nurses, who help with practical and emotional problems caused by cancer.
    If you have anything similar, get on to them a.s.a.p.

    I lost my dad to cancer so if you ever need an ear please feel free to pm me. :hug:
     
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