Feel like leaving SF....I am useless!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bambi, Mar 14, 2010.

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  1. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I feel like leaving SF as I feel totally useless. Someone that I have been spending a lot of time with just OD so it seems instead of helping I have made matters worse and I feel like I will just cause more damage if I stay.

    It is hard on two levels. One I want very much to help others deal with the pain that has haunt me too. Two I need this place for support but if I have nothing to give I feel like I don't belong.

    I don't know what to do....I don't know the status of the member at this point and I am in shock and am numb-I feel responsible and that my efforts backfired and he suffered. I prayed for the right answers and the right words but seems I fucked even this up.

    I don't know what to do. I am not looking for people to tell me to stay I am looking to understand this situation and what I can do to be of help.
  2. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    You seem to care about people. I think that's enough. Often I post something just looking for a kind word. For someone to tell me things will be alright.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw Bambi hun.

    You can NOT save others. For all you know, that person did far less severe things than what they planned. Really though, they are not your responsibility and its not your fault. The most anyone here can really do is hear and listen and validate, and you do that really well.

    This forum means different things to different people at different times. Its ok to seek support here without giving anything back (although, to be fair, you've already given so much, I don't think that's an issue).

    I think you need to give yourself and break.

    You absolutely did your best, which is all anyone can do.
  4. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    Sometimes there isn't anything you can do, so please don't blame yourself. I'll abide by your request and not tell you that you should stay, but I do hope you make the best decision, whatever it is. I've sometimes felt like I couldn't handle the incredible stress of interacting with SO many suicidal people on here, and I do understand if you need a break from that.

    Take care.
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry for this tragedy. But know that it's not your fault. You did the best you could Bambi. You are to be commended for trying at least.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    sweetie you are far from useless

    you are kind, caring, willing to listen and willing to share

    but sometimes all the caring and desire to help just won't be enough

    we can only try to be as supportive as we can but it will still all come down to the individual's desire to keep trying - it's not a true reflection on you

    you cared and tried to help someone - that's who you are and i hope you never change that - but it didn't end well and it hurts

    you're asking yourself "what more could i have done"

    you're telling yourself "i should have done more"

    i'm sure you did what you could but the final choice was not yours to make

    we all hope not to lose friends here, but the unfortunate fact is that none of us can save someone who decides that they do not want to be saved

    right now you are grieving - that is completely understandable and if you need a "shoulder" to cry on, PM me - my shoulders have enough room for someone

    but i want you to try and think about all the people who you HAVE helped (including me) - you were one of the people who helped me stop what i had already started to do

    you may not be able to see it now but i know you have made a difference

    we can help you get through this

    just stay with us
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    It's not your fault at all. There aren't any magic words that can make things better for a person. You did all you could, but sometimes these things can't be helped.

    You need support just as much as anyone does.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to echo what everyone else has said. You're a great help to so many here. All you can do is listen and let him know you care. Whatever happens isn't your fault, and you've done the best you could.
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Thanks you guys I appreciate it ....he told his parents while I was on the phone with him and then the phone went dead so I don't know what the hell is going on and feel like he is pushing me away when I want so very bad to know he is okay...this is such torture and I feel so responsible right now and hope it is just a transient feeling. I am supposed to go to work and I just can't bear to function I am in such limbo.
    I part of me fears he blames me for not helping enough though he called me when it happened and I fear he will never speak to me again. I hate this torment.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You know he told someone and got help. That's great. That means right now he may be in hospital and so he may not be able to contact you at all. Maybe just sit tight and wait, however hard that is right now.

    It sounds that actually it is down to you he got help, so that's a great thing. You did a great thing. You are not responsibile for other people's actions.

    To be honest, if your last fear turns out to be true then he has serious issues with taking responsibility. You can only do so much. You can only support, not save. He can save himself, no one else. The fact he called you is important, it shows he wanted help, and from the sounds of it, he got it.
  11. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    please don't leave :( you are amazing!
  12. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i dont really have much more to add to waht everyone else has said here, but i hopr you no you have helped me an awful lot and u truely are amazing, maybe a break will do you some good? you will have helped him, and by being on the phone jsut shows how caring you are! you truely are amazing, please try not to feel guitly about his actions, as its not you that cuased them, you proberbely stopped him doing seriuos damage, so try not to be so hard on urself, even though this can be really hard to do :hug: please stay, you truely are valued here!! u no where to find me if you need to chat! x x
  13. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Bambi I'm so sorry you are feeling responsible....sounds like you have done everything within your power to help this person....the fact that he rang you says he was having second thoughts and he rang the person he trusted the most.....you
    He maybe getting help at the hospital at this very moment so just have to wait and see and not stress too much..(I know how hard that is)...
    I see you helping people on this forum all the time...you seem very caring to me...
    I hope you stay...
  15. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I can understand how you are feeling as I have been in a similar situation, however in your case it sounds like you got him to ask for the help he needed in telling his parents.
    I agree with Scum, he is most likely receiving help now thanks to you.
    Remember we are all human and can only do so much, you did the best you could and have nothing to be guilty about, we are not responsible for another persons actions.
    I hope you decide to stay on Sf, you are a great support to many members here and I hope we in turn can continue to support you.

  16. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for your replies, they are very much appreciated and I am glad I posted and looked to you all for support, you are all I have ya know.

    He is in the hospital which is great but I am still racked with guilt as I feel I should have pushed harder for him to go last week into the hospital. He was very resistant to the idea of checking himself in and I feared alienating him if I pushed the matter. It is not my style to say "go or else I am done with you" so I didn't push and just made myself available to him...I feel like that was the wrong move. It was not I that encouraged him to tell his parents but something he did on his own all of a sudden while we were talking so it is not like I can take any credit for helping him there. I am trying to take comfort in him calling me and he did follow my advice and make himself throw up the drugs so in a sense he was reaching out to me... I hope as I truly care for him and don't want him to feel as if I let him down. I hate this feeling and for the first time in years I have thought of self mutilating and burning myself-I feel so ashamed and as if I let him down.

    If anyone has any ideas about what I might send him in the hospital please let me know - I want him to know I care even though I did a shitty job of helping him.

    Thanks again for the support you guys I really feel sick to my stomach and am crying inside and outside right now.

    Love Bambi
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    a simple card with a hand-written message perhaps?

    and think about this - if you HAD pushed him, he probably wouldn't have called you and you wouldn't have been able to convince him to get rid of what he swallowed

    you being there is what saved him, hon
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You did everything right and have help so many others don't ever blame yourself for anything all you can do is try okay and you always seem to go over and above for everyone here. take care
  19. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    It definatly doesn't sound like you did a shitty job, it sounds like you did the best job that any one could do, you were there when he needed you most and helped him the best you could. I echo everything that everyone has said, unfortunatly when someone makes their decision there is not alot anyone can do to change it except let them know that we care and are there for them. From what you have said it sounds like your were a great support to him and did everything you possibly could and most likely saved him from a lot. I'm sure he is very gratefull and will probably tell you more himself when he is in a better place, mentally and physically. I hope your ok and please try not to beat yourself up so much, you were a great friend and did as much as you possibly could x
  20. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    You really can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. He had to be ready to go to the hospital. From what I have read and what I sense about you you were doing exactly what he needed. Please don't second guess yourself. You will only hurt yourself and no one wants that. Be gentle with yourself. Do something nice for yourself. Something you would normally never do such as buy yourself some flowers or something like that. Hope this helps.
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