I am 38 y/o and I feel like 100. Suffering from depression and anxiety since my teens. I just feel like a failure most of the time. When I look back, I just see failed attempts at living. Whenever I start something new, the depression and anxiety come in and take everything I have away from me. My therapist says the only thing I have left to try is positive thinking, thought restructuring. Does anyone know how impossible that feels when you just go to bed each day hoping not to wake up? And I do. I have no life anymore. I've lost most of my friends due to isolation. I know it's my own fault but I can't stop feeling this way. I try to be my own cheerleader but the thoughts sound ridiculous to me. Like I'm lying to myself. Trying to convince a loser she's not really a loser. And that's what I feel like. A total loser. I couldn't complete college because of the anxiety. I can't get or keep a decent job. All my friends have way better lives than me and I can't help but compare. "If only"... If only I didn't have this illness... but it's with me forever. Been in this last depressive bout for 2 years. TWO YEARS. I honestly don't know how I've survived, kept breathing. Most of the time I just hope I won't. That my brain would communicate to my body to just give up. Is anyone else feel like their illness has made them a complete failure at life?