Feel like my life is over

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by beccaanne76, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    I am 38 y/o and I feel like 100. Suffering from depression and anxiety since my teens. I just feel like a failure most of the time. When I look back, I just see failed attempts at living. Whenever I start something new, the depression and anxiety come in and take everything I have away from me. My therapist says the only thing I have left to try is positive thinking, thought restructuring. Does anyone know how impossible that feels when you just go to bed each day hoping not to wake up? And I do. I have no life anymore. I've lost most of my friends due to isolation. I know it's my own fault but I can't stop feeling this way. I try to be my own cheerleader but the thoughts sound ridiculous to me. Like I'm lying to myself. Trying to convince a loser she's not really a loser. And that's what I feel like. A total loser. I couldn't complete college because of the anxiety. I can't get or keep a decent job. All my friends have way better lives than me and I can't help but compare. "If only"... If only I didn't have this illness... but it's with me forever. Been in this last depressive bout for 2 years. TWO YEARS. I honestly don't know how I've survived, kept breathing. Most of the time I just hope I won't. That my brain would communicate to my body to just give up. Is anyone else feel like their illness has made them a complete failure at life?
     
  2. just_some_guy

    just_some_guy Member

    I can kind of relate. I too feel like my life is over, and I also wish I just wouldn't wake up the next day. But I keep waking up...
     
  3. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    Why do you feel like your life is over? I feel like I never knew how to live to begin with...
     
  4. just_some_guy

    just_some_guy Member

    I'll probably post my story soon. I've been living without hope since last year, and I've been in virtual social isolation - not how humans are supposed to live. What was your life like before two years ago? What happened?
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes, yes, yes. My depression has certainly made me feel like a failure. I turned 26 this year and have got nothing to show for it, i have been accepted for college which starts in september which is a step in the right direction i guess. What you have to do is find something you even think you might like and do it. Try and stay outdoors for a while each day, being cooped up in the house doesn't help. Positive thinking, relaxation videos on youtube are good, so are the self help ones. Best of luck to you becca and just 'cos you're suffering does not mean you are a failure.
     
  6. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    I had a manic episode two years ago. After that, I just crashed and haven't gotten back up. I've gained a ton of weight. I can't hold a job. The depression and anxiety are just eating away at me. Before that, I was semi-stable. I wish I could go back or move forward or something, anything. I feel completely depleted. Incompetent. Totally incompetent. Less than a child.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You CAN get through this. Make a support group around you, use that network for off days, for better days try and better your thoughts by getting something nice for yourself , do something nice for someone else ect.. Are you seeing a therapist?
     
  8. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    I am seeing a therapist. She keeps telling me to change my thoughts but thinking positively seems absolutely foolish right now. How do I make a support group for myself? I've completely isolated myself. No one wants to be near me.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It may seem foolish but when (in time) you look back you will see it as a very positive thing to have done. For instance in 2011 I made a big attempt to end my life and was put into ICU connected to a ventilator and life support. I look back in horror as to what nearly happened. You just have to keep fighting this. Make a support group by adding friends and family, other half etc into your life slowly. How are you so sure no-one wants to be around you?
     
  10. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    Well I'm just so miserable and depressed. I have nothing positive to say. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be around me. I don't even wanna be around me. I've moved to a new town with no friends yet. Not that I have much hope to make any new friends. I'm so unmotivated to do anything. How am I gonna make friends?
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You could join the local clubs in your town such as bingo, library, do a course, play a sport, there are so many ways to make friends. The best friend I have now I actually met her by talking to her in the doctors surgery lol! Really, it can be that simple. I can see the pain in your posts, if I could take your pain away I would.
     
  12. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    I have to try something. I'm a weird combination of lost, depressed, anxious, desperate and bored. Thank you sincerely for your well wishing. I wish somebody could take away my pain too!
     
  13. Tigerlily123

    Tigerlily123 New Member

    Their are time I feel hopeless as well, especially when I'm bored, and I'm more isolated than you can ever believe, What helped me over the years is to keep on moving, try to find something to do, wheither it be a hobby or just traveling, just by moving made me feel I had purpose in life. Even if it is something small.
     
  14. beccaanne76

    beccaanne76 Member

    I just have no energy or drive. I'm so lost and depressed. I really feel like it's all over
     
  15. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I relate so much to everything you say. It's so hard. I wish I knew what else to say except I understand.