Hello all, I've been feeling suicidal for the past few months. This began when I found out my wife had had an affair. We'd only been married 9 months at the time. Since then, my confidence and self-worth are zero. I've been studying for a Masters degree, but I've been so depressed, it's been hard enough keeping myself sane and I've completely abandoned my uni work. I haven't paid my rent for three months and today I got my first wage from my new job, which I've had to give to my landlord. Next month's wage will pay off more debts. I've tried to make my marriage work, and things have gotten better since I first found out about the affair. My emotions have calmed, but still every day I think about killing myself. I wake up, go into auto-pilot to get ready for work. Then as soon as my mind is unoccupied for a moment, I begin to think about suicide. If I'm not constantly stimulated, I just begin to think about ending it. I actually get depressed when I finish work, as I know I'll have to go home, and be able to hear my own thoughts again. I got very close twice. The first time I fully believed I was going to do it. I wrote a note, and I took a <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I stayed like that for about 30 minutes. In the end I couldn't do it. I don't know why. And then about two weeks ago it was similar, but I didn't write a note that time. I'm not afraid of not being alive, I really genuinely believe I have no reason to keep on living. I know it will hurt people, such as my parents, who won't even know why it's happened, but then again, and this sounds selfish, I'll be dead, so it won't matter to me then. I am scared of the act itself, I worry I'll mess it up and just be left in a coma or braindead my whole life. I've thought throwing myself from a building would probably be the most surefire way to do it right, and have no chance of survival, but it seems a horrible thing to do. Despite what she's done I still love my wife, and I'd hate for her to have to identify me like that. She says if I killed myself, she would too. But I don't think this is true. I don't believe she loves me enough. Sorry, this has been written in a kind of stream of consciousness way. It may not all make sense. Please ask questions if you need more information. I don't really know what I expect from this forum. I just haven't spoken to anyone else about all this, and I thought it would be good to think that another human being may actually care.