Hi
Not sure why Im posting here,but I don't have any friends and can't talk to any of my family. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 (I really thought that a whole box of paracetamol would be lethal, didn't even get a tummy ache) for most of this year I've been wishing I'd done it properly.
When we move house my husband says he'll leave me if I don't have a baby. Ive always known he wanted one but thought as I got closer to 30 I'd want one like everyone else but the older I get the more I feel repulsed by the whole idea of having children. My sister is younger than me but she had a baby last year and since then I feel under a lot of pressure to be normal and just have one, everyone at work keeps asking if I' m broody yet but I feel like that whole baby part of my brain must be missing. I tried so hard to like my sisters baby but I don't even like touching him. What kind of evil freak doesn't even like their own nephew?
I feel like my husband would be better of without me and my family would barely notice if I was gone. The alternative is to spend the rest of my life desperatly pretending to be normal and trying not to damage our future child to much with my shit
My husband said if he'd known I didn't like kids he would not have married me, so know I don't really mean anything to him I'm just a womb with legs as he' d hapily exchange me for a baby that doesn't even exist yet if he could. I'm amazed he's stayed this long anyway, I 've always been a worthless freak, our whole marriage I've just been waiting for him to notice like my family already have.
Sorry for the long rant. If I knew a way of doing it that was foolproof I'd be doing it instead of wasting everyone's time
Not sure why Im posting here,but I don't have any friends and can't talk to any of my family. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 (I really thought that a whole box of paracetamol would be lethal, didn't even get a tummy ache) for most of this year I've been wishing I'd done it properly.
When we move house my husband says he'll leave me if I don't have a baby. Ive always known he wanted one but thought as I got closer to 30 I'd want one like everyone else but the older I get the more I feel repulsed by the whole idea of having children. My sister is younger than me but she had a baby last year and since then I feel under a lot of pressure to be normal and just have one, everyone at work keeps asking if I' m broody yet but I feel like that whole baby part of my brain must be missing. I tried so hard to like my sisters baby but I don't even like touching him. What kind of evil freak doesn't even like their own nephew?
I feel like my husband would be better of without me and my family would barely notice if I was gone. The alternative is to spend the rest of my life desperatly pretending to be normal and trying not to damage our future child to much with my shit
My husband said if he'd known I didn't like kids he would not have married me, so know I don't really mean anything to him I'm just a womb with legs as he' d hapily exchange me for a baby that doesn't even exist yet if he could. I'm amazed he's stayed this long anyway, I 've always been a worthless freak, our whole marriage I've just been waiting for him to notice like my family already have.
Sorry for the long rant. If I knew a way of doing it that was foolproof I'd be doing it instead of wasting everyone's time