I was so happy to get out of hospital but now I just caught myself trying to reason how my kids would be better off without me or at least ok. I went four days without a bad thought and hoped I was getting better. Is the honeymoon over? I really want to be better. My wife is in prison, kids at grandmas, and I am at a friends house. Very tire of being alone. My happy thought are failing me. I desperately want to see my counselor because I need someone I can talk with safely and hope my insurance gets straightened out soon. Until then I will hang on to this thread I am dangling from and hope it does not break and let me fall. I don't think I will be as lucky as I was in the past. I just want the pain to end. Trying to be strong but I feel weaker every day. God help me please.