Feel so dumb

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jenj, Oct 21, 2009.

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  1. jenj

    jenj Member

    2 days ago i cut, it was only small, but deep and required 3 stitches, the next day i cut bad, long and deep but refused to seek medical treatment, the next day i cut again, as long but much deeper, my husband practically dragged me to A & E, where i needed 30 stitches. I am in pain, of course, But all i can think about is doing more, and it makes me feel so stupid and ungrateful, damn i hurt the ones i love and i want to do it again, i gave the implements used to my husband to get rid of, so i dont have them, but i cant stop thinking about it, its making me angry and im getting really messed up. i see my counsellor tomorrow, it seems so far away, but i dont want to talk to anyone else. i dont really know what the point of this post is but i needed to get it out.
     
  2. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    mind if i ask what's making you want to cut?
     
  3. jenj

    jenj Member

    To be totally honest im not really sure, i am so confused about everything, i used to do it to feel something, and it used to relieve me when i was in a really bad state. Now though i dont feel anything when i do it and dont get relief, just this urge to keep going/do more. Im not doing it because i am suicidal though.

    *I have been diagnosed with 4 mental health disorders and i dont know if thats related, i have BPD, PND, PTSD and severe depression*
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2009
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