Feel so lost

I've deleted this thread like 5 times now, I just finish typing and close the window, I'm just lost and tired and do not know what to do.

I wish I could just end my life right now, I do not deserve this life and due to the fact that it's mine I have the right to end it whenever I want, but the thought of hurting my family stops me. One might say that's a good thing, but I think it's pretty sad that my only reason to be alive is not hurting my family, there should be so much more.

I have to deal with this almost everyday, sometimes I don't realize because the thoughts are so common that I don't even notice anymore, but some days like today my depression just grows so much that I can't ignore it and pretend everything is fine like I usually do.

I don't really enjoy going out with my friends anymore, and I also feel left out on the group I know they care for me but I don't know, I just want to go back home and hope to get in an accident and die to get this over with.

I thought for a long time that maybe just getting a girl would help me feel loved, because I think that's one of my major problems I just don't feel loved at all, I know I am, but family love is something I count on, it's just there but does nothing for me. And after many fail attempts to find a girlfriend or at least someone to date every now and then I'm just convinced that I'm not meant to be loved, and that I will just have to wait until I die to end this constant pain.

I take pills, and see a psychiatrist every week and I think it has helped me to just get along with life but that's about it, I've been like this for 2 years now, and in depression since 7 years, and to think I still have like 40 years of this just doesn't help at all.

Well I think I've made this whining long enough, so I'll end it here.

Take care everyone.

 

hey, I'm sorry that you are suffering so much

there's a lot more to treating depression than taking medication. you might be able to get your medication adjusted though

are you getting psychotherapy now?

do you know why it is that you are depressed in the first place?

 

Hi so glad you were able to post hun I to hope you are getting some therapy hun with the medication it helps it does Getting out joining new groups new activities new classes to meet more people will help hun Keep yourself in mainstream okay don't islolate I hope you keep posting hun okay get your thoughts your emotions out here so others can support you hugs

 

Hey, I had troble with girls also..But the opposite of you.. I had a bunch wanting to go out with me..How do you choose who is the right one..I ended up with a bad rep. because I would go out with one for a few weeks and no chemistry so I would break it off..I was just a creep back then.. I guess thats why karma has blessed me with being alone in my latter years..Keep you eyes open and look for the girl who is always stareing at you or standing with friends talking and looking at you.. I would say it's a good chance that if you introduced yourself and asked her out she would accept..

 

You said your family loves you.. you are not unlovable. You are putting a lot of pressure on the girl you find to make her totally responsible for your happiness. You need to work on loving yourself.

 

^ yes

 

:hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles: