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Feel so trapped!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by realitynut, Sep 13, 2012.

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  1. realitynut

    realitynut Member

    I would do anything to be able to escape my life right now. I dont usually post on here, dont like the attention much but I feel I have ran out of options and someone out there might be able to help, but probably not.

    Basically I have quite bad social anxiety, I find it very difficult to socialise, make conversations, get a job and go to new places on my own. I didnt have any friends up until a few years ago when I found one on the internet, we got on well most the time but did have arguments about silly things. Anyway, a few months ago she got evicted from her house and had no where to go or no money to get another house, I was living with my parents at the time and was miserable so had been looking for a flat. We came up with the idea that we would get a house together, it suited both of us and we got on quite well for a month living together. But things have turned so bad now, she met her girlfriend and 2 weeks later moved her in to our house, neither of them do any housework and I come home to a pig sty most days, and when I say anything it just turns into a big argument. They have the music blasting out at night and in the morning, the neighbours have complained several times about them having really noisy sex and keeping them awake, I can even hear them with ear plugs in. My once friend is no longer my friend she just does everything with her girlfriend now and I've never felt so lonely and unwelcome in my own home, I just hide in my bedroom to avoid them. I dont know what i'm supposed to do, I've used all my money on the deposit to get this house and I cant get out of the tenacy agreement so i'm trapped living with people I hate, I cant see any way out.!!
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Oh this is so hard, especially with social anxiety.
    I think that you have to confront them, either face to face or in a letter. Either say you or her and her partner must leave (if you can afford her to go?) Otherwise, tell them you are leaving and they have to pay you for the deposit.
    I have SA too. Have you read Gillian Butler's book? It is excellent, it changed my life. She talks you through CBT, the book even has sample sheets.
    If you need support or anything just PM me.
  3. susannah

    susannah Member

    Hi, wish I had some good advice to give you, but I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel, though the people I'm trapped living with are my parents - which given that I'm in my early thirties makes me feel very ashamed. Every single day my mum puts me down and criticizes me. She's constantly telling people how lazy and spoilt I am, when I've just always been so miserable, with zero confidence and self-esteem that I simply never learnt the skills needed in life, or had the support to ... make life worth living. I've been depressed since I was a teenager and the last two years of my life have been the hardest yet. I wish I could get a job and try to save up some money to get out of here but it's just impossible with such a huge gap in my work history and no real belief in myself.

    To make things worse, today my younger sister called me up to basically boast of how happy she is having moved into a new house with her boyfriend - it was the last thing I needed to hear and of course she doesn't even ask 'how are you?' or care that I am obviously miserable, in fact I think she was annoyed that I wasn't overjoyed on her behalf and showering her with 'congratulations!'. She got out a long time ago, and is a super-confident extrovert who has always found it so easy to make friends. I don't have a single person to talk to and quite frankly I think the inevitable is going to happen soon. There's just no way anything is ever going to get better. I'm sick of crying all the time and being completely miserable - though when the numbness takes over, in some ways that worse, in other ways better.

    Sorry, I've rambled on about myself. I just wanted to say that I know how awful it is to be trapped in a place where you 'live' but don't belong. I hope you find an answer.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2012
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    That sounds a little like me Susannah though I was 'lucky' in that I work for my father. So I have always worked, if only for the family business which does not look great on a CV.
    I would recommend the Butler book to you too, if you have SA (I am not on commission, honest!) as when I had my revelation, (that I was planning my death) it was one of the things that really did help me.
    Moving out of parents would help, if you could?

    YOu have this site to talk to now and I hope it can be of benefit to you.
  5. susannah

    susannah Member

    Thanks windlepoons. I did read the Butler book a long time ago but didn't find it that helpful to be honest, but maybe I'll have another look at it. Yeah I think moving out can really be the only way forward - if there is one - it's just trying to find a way to make it possible that's the hard part.

    realitynut - sorry I feel like I hijacked your thread. Has the situation improved for you at all? Given that the neighbours have been complaining can your landlord (if you're renting?) maybe have a word with your housemates about keeping the place tidier and keeping the noise down at least?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2012
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