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Feel so worried

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by starry01, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. starry01

    starry01 Member

    I'm new but feel the need to get this off my chest. I'm so upset and worried. I turned up for my therapy appointment yesterday and the receptionist in the building told me that my therapist had phoned to say she wouldn't be in as she had an emergency situation with a member of her family. The receptionist said she doesn't know if she will be in next week! This is awful as my T always rings me or sends me a text if she won't be there, so the fact she didn't must mean it was pretty serious and last minute. I'm so panicky and can't even eat properly. This is stupid I know as she's a therapist but I feel like I'm grieving for her. I hate changes at the best of times and now I don't know if she'll be back before Christmas or at all.

    I'm so scared of people leaving me, always have been. The fact my T hasn't rung me herself makes it worse. I know she's probably dealing with an awful situation and work would be the last thing on her mind, but I just need to know she's ok. I have her mobile number but it doesn't seem appropriate to text her. I'll have sit around and wait and that feels unbearable.

    What I'm most afraid of is holding out until next week and being told she won't be back for a whle. I'm being selfish I know but she's a source of stability in my life (don't have many) and I need her..

    Most people don't understand how I can feel so bad about a therapist. I'm hoping someone here can. I was feeling crap anyway - just last week I told my T that I've reached my limits of pain endurance and told her I was seriously considering ending it all. She urged me to go to the doctors which I couldnt do in the end as the doc I wanted to see was in a meeting and I wouldnt see a locum. Now I can't be bothered to go at all - I can't eat sleep think or cry as I don't know when my T will be back or if she's ok. It's like the rug has been pulled out from my world :sad::sad::sad:
  2. PeaceBlueFire

    PeaceBlueFire Well-Known Member

    Hello Starry01,

    Welcome to the forum!

    I can see that the not knowing about what is going on with your therapist & her family is bothering you immensely. I would suggest that you either call or text your therapist if she still hasn't contacted you in another day or two.

    Change and the unknown is difficult even for the most well adjusted person. The uncertainty is always hard to deal with when it involves someone we care about (even if it is a therapist).

    No, I wouldn't call you selfish because you need your therapist to be a source of stability in your life. Everybody has something in their life that they would be lost without. Some people don't admit to it though. It may be another person, a pet, a hobby, sports or something else. Please don't feel bad about this.

    I can understand the worry, anxiety, panic, etc. that is felt when you know or feel something is wrong regarding a therapist. I once was extremely concerned about a counselor I saw back in high school while she was pregnant. She was about 8 months or so at the time and was having adverse side effects from a medication she was on. I was terrified for the baby and her. I was able to talk to her briefly before she saw her doctor and got the problem sorted out but I still panicked because of the uncertainty I felt. Luckily, both her and the baby were okay. I'm hoping your therapist and her family are okay as well.

    It sounds like you have been having a hard time lately. I know when I am worried about something or someone I will literally make myself physically sick. Not intentionally though. Please take care of yourself and try to do something you enjoy. It might help you take your mind off of things for awhile.

    Maybe I'll see you around the forum sometime.

    Peace :)
  3. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Hi Starry

    It sounds like you and your therapist have a good rapport. I believe if she didn't want you to callher when you needed to , she wouldn't have given you her cell number. To put your mind at ease, make that call. I'm sure she herself would be grateful in knowing you were thinking about her, afterall therapists are people too.

  4. starry01

    starry01 Member

    Thanks so much for your replies both of you.

    It's good to know people understand what it's like as it's hard to admit feeling dependent on a therapist but things are so hard for me right now and she was the one constant in my life, now she's gone :sad:

    The mobile number she gave me is for cancellations and lateness mainly (as I started off seeing her in another building where there wasn't a receptionist or any other number to call) but I have text her between sessions 2 or 3times when I've been upset and she has responded.

    Maybe I could text her on Monday assuming there's been no word. I'm just worried about sticking my nose in when she's got other stuff to think about. I don't like to contact her at weekends and today is probably too soon if something shitty has happened in her family so perhaps Monday would give her a bit more time. At the very least she'll know I care anyway. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and make her annoyed with me during a bad time.

    Thanks for reading x