Feel that I've had it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marky, Sep 9, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Marky

    Marky Member

    Reading this forum I can see many people have clinical depression issues, but mine are practical. I have no excuse for what has happened to me.

    I have no life really. My job fell apart a few years ago when the recession kicked in. And most of the last two years I have been out of work.I also was in a relationship that ended at about the same time. I live in Central London. I am lucky to have saved over the years so I have a fallback, and I have survived so far on this, so the one positive thing is that I have avoided financial worries so far this way.

    Since everything crashed for me, I have done nothing. Too depressed move. My life has ground to a halt. Being honest I seem to spend most of the day online. looking for some kind of world to interact with, some people, some human beings that will want to interact with me, even if its just in the false world of the internet. But even that fails me sometimes.

    I'm just so awfully alone. I have no friends or anyone in my life. Of course his sounds self-pitying and sad, and it is, but I would love someone who has similar feelings who lives in London to acknowledge that I am not alone in place with so many people, and so little humanity. Everyone else I see looks like they have someone, so that if they feel as bad as i do they can at least phone. I have no one.

    Lately, after a few failed attempts to reconnect with people, and what I can only take to be complete rejection - it has made me think that I really can't go on like this. I guess I must have problems in my personality - but I have never had any help, and don't know what these problems are . The fact is that in the end no one wants to know me. These feelings have really been on and off like this for my whole life. I am just being honest and this is a cry for help, if someone can look past this and try to help me, i feel I'm at the stage where i do need help - because i am not able to go on.

    Even when I try to give to people I am rejected. I felt like this before when I was younger, but now I am older and life looks like it has passed me by completely. If the future is the same as my past, I will just be the old man like i am now. And I think it would be more dignified to end it.

    Please help.
  2. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    Im not totally sure what to say because I'm only a kid really. But here goes.
    You arent alone. I thought that untill I found this place. There are lots of people on here who can relate to what you're going through. It's awful feeling so alone especially when you've tried to connect with people and it's failed. This will sound incredibly cliche but things will eventually get better - you just need help. Joining this site will almost definatly help you and maybe you should consider some sort of professional help when you are ready to do so of course.
    Glad you've found this site :hug: take care.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just saying hi, and welcome to SF. :hug: I hope we can help you feel less alone. If you ever feel like talking, my PM box is always open.
  4. Marky

    Marky Member

    PiecesMended - its good to know that someone who is so young has enough conscience to take the time to post that, i thank you. Good luck in your future.

    If someone had said to me when i was younger "this is how you will be when your are 40…". And I would have then seen myself now - and how my life panned out, I would have ended it then without doubt.
  5. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    Sorry to bother you again. Just wanted to say that I have had problems trying to connect with people also and that it has helped me to seek out people who have a common interest. Just wanted to say that it is possible to connect with people unfortunatly you just have to keep trying. So sorry if I sound patronising! I don't mean to.
  6. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Hi Marky, that's tough feeling lonely when their are so many people per square mile. Interesting thing, I think most people assume the same of each other,.....that they have somebody(whatever that means)

    Do you think it feels more intense b/c now that you've been unemployed, the "world" in essence is alot larger than reporting to work each day and everyone is there paid to work and interact....whereas, now that you are not working, it's kind of at the mercy of your own hands, creativity etc etc?

    I'm in my mid thirties and realized that making friends and socializing, is a JOB in itself. It's not easy like being in school where there is mutual commonality or work where were all committed to being there....you know what I mean?

    Meetups and organized social event clubs have given my former friends an outlet, new friends and expanded their knowledge of the area....unfortunately, my condition hinders me as now I have no friends.

    What kind of work did you do?
  7. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    btw, how old are you?
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey Marky..I'm sorry for your curcumstances....
    have you thought of doing some volunteer work to help you integrate back into the community....may even lead to some paid work.....and a good way to meet new people...
    if you are in your 40s you have a wealth of knowledge that could help others...
  9. themza

    themza Member

    by reading your post and examining your mind-flow it seems to me that you are very unsure of yourself about a lot of things. you should try writing down your thoughts sometimes it will help you feel a lot more relaxed, as you are seemingly frantic. there is ALWAYS someone out there that wants to know you. theres a lot of closed-minded people in the world that are very specific about who they talk to, but i swear there are also a lot of open-minded people that find everyone interesting in some way or another, as i do. being on the internet all day is probably not going to help (doesnt help me when i am feeling down at least). i think you should go out to some new places and try to make some new friends. people might often fail you but theres always some other person out there to know. i wish you good luck
  10. Marky

    Marky Member

    Thanks themza - yes of course I have tried this. Many times. Just doesn't work out for me. I don't get the impression that people are thinking "weirdo" or anything when they meet me. There just something that no one can connect with, they don't care for me. The more dark by life gets, the worse this situation becomes. Its like people can sense there is something they don't want to go near. Unless THEY are in need on some way and want to use you, they don't want to bother.

    I may try and look into the charity idea. Its something of course I have thought of before - but cannot find any central body in London that might put me in touch with the right type of work, and don't know where to start really. I will try though and look at it again.
  11. themza

    themza Member

    doing chairy sounds like a great idea. i dont know if you believe in "karma" or what not but it always seems like the more positive outflow you give to those around you, the more you get back.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.