feel unsafe

I feel like crap and i am fed up of this cycle. I am on meds. I have been in therapy for years. I know I will feel better again, but I also know i will crash again. This cycle has not stopped since i first became unwell in 2005. I have no life. I can’t socialise. I am finding it so difficult to focus on anything. Nothing seems enjoyable, what the hell is the point? I’ve fought for so long and now i want to give up. I just feel so bloody low. I am tempted to use self destructive behaviours to cope, even if it only helps while i am carrying out the act.

 

Is there anyone you can talk to right now about how you feel? X

 

i don't have the mental energy to phone anyone, sorry. I will try and go to sleep.

 

I ended up overdosing, still feel really unsafe and really quite low. Just drained of energy though so I doubt I will do anything. Just wish this would end.

 

Are you ok

 

Not really. The only thing keep me going is not eating, which seems like a paradox within itself. i just cant live without being destructive. i feel scared as i overdosed again. When the psych liason person came he said 'you've allegedly overdosed' which really pissed me off so i didnt talk to him. just feel so low!

Thanks for asking.