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Feel very worthless and powerless

sadhart

SF Supporter
#1
It's hard to explain but I have to go through a lease renewal process regarding my apartment. I am doing everything on my part but the person I'm dealing with keeps saying I don't have things that I already turned in. I told her she said she did and denied it. And so I showed her the text message where she said she did. I am not sure how she will respond but I am not looking forward to it.


Aside from that, I don't feel all that valued at work. It doesn't mean I hate my job and I'm quitting. I just feel like I don't count. Supervisor comes around and says hi to the other workers but not me. I've been conditioned to see any wrong I feel as my fault but sometime that doesn't seem fair.

I'm sorry for rambling and sounding dramatic. I know this sounds petty but I've just been feeling more and more overwhelmed.
 
#2
Sorry that you're feeling this way Sadhart

I hope everything will go smoothly with you lease renewal.

While some people find community and get affirmations at work, it might be possible to find those things elsewhere.

I hope things can get better soon
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#3
I hope your lease renewal is going well and I'm proud of you for standing up to this person and keeping records of her odd behavior. If things don't work out with her is there anyone else above her you can go to? If there's a company that owns the property I'd go to them if she keeps giving you trouble.

As far as work goes I'm sorry you are not feeling valued. That's rude and unprofessional of your supervisor to exclude you.
I've been conditioned to see any wrong I feel as my fault but sometime that doesn't seem fair
It is unfair to you to take all of that on and feel like it's your fault. I think just acknowledging that you know this thought isn't fair is a good start to changing that perception.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Just know you aren't alone and we are here for you.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#4
Sorry that you're feeling this way Sadhart

I hope everything will go smoothly with you lease renewal.

While some people find community and get affirmations at work, it might be possible to find those things elsewhere.

I hope things can get better soon
I know that I shouldn't expect things from others. It was wrong of me. I don't feel very good today. I tried to enjoy my day off but I just feel really down and worthless. I'm sorry for always sounding so negative.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#5
I hope your lease renewal is going well and I'm proud of you for standing up to this person and keeping records of her odd behavior. If things don't work out with her is there anyone else above her you can go to? If there's a company that owns the property I'd go to them if she keeps giving you trouble.

As far as work goes I'm sorry you are not feeling valued. That's rude and unprofessional of your supervisor to exclude you.

It is unfair to you to take all of that on and feel like it's your fault. I think just acknowledging that you know this thought isn't fair is a good start to changing that perception.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Just know you aren't alone and we are here for you.
I guess I feel like if I don't try to see any wrong on my part, then it wouldn't be fair to the other person. I feel like someone I liked hurt me, but that it's wrong to say that. But I feel angry at that person because the way I feel she hurt me, she would not be okay with being hurt this way. But clearly I don't matter and since that is the case then, I really don't want to keep living anymore. I'm sorry for sounding so dark, but the emotional pain I'm feeling not just from being hurt but by other things is too much. You know....last week I reached two years and five months of sobriety. And I have been making a great effort in overcoming my fear of driving. I accidently drove onto the freeway, but didn't panic and just went along with it. I want to be proud of these things, but it is very hard.

I'm sorry as I know I may said some of this previously. I'm just tired of hurting.
 
#6
I know that I shouldn't expect things from others. It was wrong of me
I don't think it's wrong to expect things from others. It's just that people don't always act the way that they should, so it's good to be prepared for that.
I'm sorry for always sounding so negative
Hey, it's ok. This is a suicide forum, we're all expecting to hear people talk about painful things
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#7
It's hard to explain but I have to go through a lease renewal process regarding my apartment. I am doing everything on my part but the person I'm dealing with keeps saying I don't have things that I already turned in. I told her she said she did and denied it. And so I showed her the text message where she said she did. I am not sure how she will respond but I am not looking forward to it.


Aside from that, I don't feel all that valued at work. It doesn't mean I hate my job and I'm quitting. I just feel like I don't count. Supervisor comes around and says hi to the other workers but not me. I've been conditioned to see any wrong I feel as my fault but sometime that doesn't seem fair.

I'm sorry for rambling and sounding dramatic. I know this sounds petty but I've just been feeling more and more overwhelmed.
Hello

When anxious and depressed everything is an assault. The cashier that won’t override the price error, the boss that only talks to you when has a complaint, the landlord that would give you a break on rent during a global pandemic etc. You are feeling the hassles of life more seriously because of illness. I am too. What to do? I go home and sleep.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#9
I don't think it's wrong to expect things from others. It's just that people don't always act the way that they should, so it's good to be prepared for that.

Hey, it's ok. This is a suicide forum, we're all expecting to hear people talk about painful things
I know it's just I've been here for awhile now and sometimes I feel pathetic for still struggling so much.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#13
I think you could probably learn to look at things in a less negative way, but it's understandable that your experiences have made you see things the way you do
I had to do some errands which required me to walk in the very hot sun around here. Physically, the walk isn't too bad as I don't feel too drained. But emotionally, it will eventually become a struggle. I may see something or someone and it will trigger some negative feeling of some kind. And when that happens I then start to feel bad both emotionally and physically.

Today though, I tried to reflect on where I'm at now versus where I was ten years ago. Yes, today, I feel conflicted as to whether I am doing okay with myself because I don't always feel that I am. But I am not in the same darkness that I was in a decade ago. Ten years ago, I was so convinced that the only way I would be able to get through life was with alcohol. I remember how in 2010 I attempted driving twice that year and didn't try again until 2015. Now, I'm able to practice driving several times a week. I actually want to as opposed to being made to do so.

I try to hang on to these things, but I can't for too long. The negative stuff.....the heartache and pain and being hurt by others.....that feels more prevalent. And I don't mean to "just choose" to think more about those things. I guess it's like you said regarding the experiences I've had. Anyway, sorry for the long ramble.
 
#14
But I am not in the same darkness that I was in a decade ago. Ten years ago, I was so convinced that the only way I would be able to get through life was with alcohol. I remember how in 2010 I attempted driving twice that year and didn't try again until 2015. Now, I'm able to practice driving several times a week. I actually want to as opposed to being made to do so
Those are some big positive changes. Maybe there can be some more that would make a difference.
Anyway, sorry for the long ramble
Hey, no, I thought what you wrote was good.
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#16
In the past I have had people smile at me, I looked back with a frowned face and watched their smile quickly fade.
In the past I have smiled at people and had the person look back at me with a frowned face but I kept smiling.

A good way of gauging what people see in you is by sitting down in front of a mirror. Do you look friendly? Do you look approachable? Would you talk to you if you crossed yourself as a clone?

I've known people who wouldn't go outside because they say everybody looks at them, it makes them uncomfortable so they stay in bed or at home. Yet what's really happening? Could it be you convince yourself everybody is looking at you which causes your eyes to look at everybody suspiciously? If this is the case then of course everybody is going to look at you differently. Straight away they will read the 'I don't trust you face' you know that face, it's the face you pull when somebody either steels something from you or spreads a rumour. Well that's the same face you're wearing when convincing yourself everybody is out to get you.

Again sit in front of a mirror to understand what I'm saying and ask 3 things

A: Do you look approachable
B: Do you look friendly (and would you talk to yourself if you was somebody else)
C: Do you look like your 'LQQKING' or staring into the mirror (as their is a massive difference)

Then use the mirror to correct any faults you find. That way you'll remember what other people see and it'll also change things from this point on for the better!
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#17
In the past I have had people smile at me, I looked back with a frowned face and watched their smile quickly fade.
In the past I have smiled at people and had the person look back at me with a frowned face but I kept smiling.

A good way of gauging what people see in you is by sitting down in front of a mirror. Do you look friendly? Do you look approachable? Would you talk to you if you crossed yourself as a clone?

I've known people who wouldn't go outside because they say everybody looks at them, it makes them uncomfortable so they stay in bed or at home. Yet what's really happening? Could it be you convince yourself everybody is looking at you which causes your eyes to look at everybody suspiciously? If this is the case then of course everybody is going to look at you differently. Straight away they will read the 'I don't trust you face' you know that face, it's the face you pull when somebody either steels something from you or spreads a rumour. Well that's the same face you're wearing when convincing yourself everybody is out to get you.

Again sit in front of a mirror to understand what I'm saying and ask 3 things

A: Do you look approachable
B: Do you look friendly (and would you talk to yourself if you was somebody else)
C: Do you look like your 'LQQKING' or staring into the mirror (as their is a massive difference)

Then use the mirror to correct any faults you find. That way you'll remember what other people see and it'll also change things from this point on for the better!
I'm sorry but I don't think every one is looking at me. I feel anxiety when it comes to socializing from actual negative experiences, not made up perceptions. I realize that I have had to work on being more open to connect with others. but at the same time, I am tired of making that effort and it being in vain.

I am sorry but i am at a point where I don't want to do this anymore. I am fed up with trying and it never mattering. I am tired of how I am apparently supposed to work on so many aspects of my life and yet some asshole can be as much of a massive prick he wants and somehow that reaps positive results. I am sorry but I made a mistake opening up because as I keep trying to move forward, more and more it becomes apparent that I am not worthy of being accepted like others are. I'm sorry for sounding defensive, but it's still morning and my day is already a shitty one.
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#19
I'm sorry but I don't think every one is looking at me. I feel anxiety when it comes to socializing from actual negative experiences, not made up perceptions. I realize that I have had to work on being more open to connect with others. but at the same time, I am tired of making that effort and it being in vain.

I am sorry but i am at a point where I don't want to do this anymore. I am fed up with trying and it never mattering. I am tired of how I am apparently supposed to work on so many aspects of my life and yet some asshole can be as much of a massive prick he wants and somehow that reaps positive results. I am sorry but I made a mistake opening up because as I keep trying to move forward, more and more it becomes apparent that I am not worthy of being accepted like others are. I'm sorry for sounding defensive, but it's still morning and my day is already a shitty one.
No need to be sorry. Sounds like you're to nice for your own good. It's obvious you are surrounded by bootlickers at work and these arsewipes are getting to you. F*ck em, step back and watch them all burn out, that atmosphere never holds, especially in todays climate. Time for a career change perhaps?

Look after yourself, hope your day gets less shittier!
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#20
No need to be sorry. Sounds like you're to nice for your own good. It's obvious you are surrounded by bootlickers at work and these arsewipes are getting to you. F*ck em, step back and watch them all burn out, that atmosphere never holds, especially in todays climate. Time for a career change perhaps?

Look after yourself, hope your day gets less shittier!

If I said my coworkers were all those things then that was wrong on my part. Some of them can be a bit difficult, yes, but I have dealt with far worse in other places and the ones I work with now are mostly okay. I'm also not sure about changing jobs at this time. I do feel frustrations from time to time, but I have had a chance to grow which has been okay I guess.

It's hard to say right now if the day was less shitty, but thank you no less.
 

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