Feel worse this morning

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by titanic, May 26, 2008.

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  1. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I phoned my boyfriend last night and had the pills in front of me, was so tempted to overdose. I was sweating like mad in a panic attack.

    This morning I have woke up angry and resentful. One of the things my boyfriend said was; "Samaritans wouldn't come running out to you!" All becuase he had a bad knee and didn't want to get dressed.

    I feel like no one is taking me seriously. Not even my own boyfriend. That makes me want to kill myself all the more.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Don't do something like that just to prove something to them. I am sorry they are not taking you seriously. Do you have these feelings often? Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know what to say to you. He may be frightened so is covering it up by being nonchalant about it. You mentioned having pills. Are you inder medical advisement for the issues making you feel so out of control? If so, make sure you tell your health care provider about your feelings. Maybe an adjustment needs to be made in your meds. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun you dont need to prove anything to anyone. Instead of phoning the boyfriend (he doesn't understand) try the chat room here. Talk to some people who understand the pain and panic. Once you are feeling a little stronger have a talk with your boyfriend too. Explain how you feel and tell him straight out you are counting on him. Please dont give up.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Turn to someone who will take you seriously otherwise there are people on here and in the chat room who will take you seriously and can relate to you.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I can relate to the noone taking me serious. That is part of the reason I isolate myself. Only I know the truth. If I say i'm going to do something, you pretty much beleive it.
    The boyfriend part I can't help with. My fiance cheated on me and ripped me off for $18,000 dollars. I thought we were suppose to be in love. I guess she had other ideas. Good Luck,
  6. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replies.

    The dicotomy is... he has helped me in the past to overcome suicidal feelings / thoughts and I have been able to keep going. This in itself creates a catch 22 as when you 'survive' those times and you 'crash' again, the assumption is, oh they won't do it they've got over it before. And each time you 'crash' it appears as though you are crying wolf. It's really horrible! Which is why suicidal people should ALWAYS be taken seriously no matter what. I was punishing myself for staying alive. ''I should have done the deed last time''. Otherwise you get attitudes like, ''oh never mind, you've got through it before, you get through this time'' ''I'm just going off to eat my dinner'' LAUGH it's a horrible experience when your in a crises.

    When I get like that, it's though the world stops and everything else comes to a standstill. Nothing else matters other than my emergency. It does pass eventually, but at that moment in time I am desperate to take any measures possible to end my life, and I try to fight the urge to end it, I end up in a battle with myself. It's like I cannot see straight at that time, the kids could be dancing on the ceiling and I would not realise. Everything becomes 'inwards' IYSWIM? And then of course I panic because I am struggling to remain sane and alive so that I don't kill myself, its like I no longer 'own' my body and am not responsible / control it's actions. Does that sound crazy?! Laugh. Like I am being controlled by another person.

    I get worried when I am like that. Because there have been times when I have acted out of character and do not remember the next day etc, at xmas last year I lost the plot and went on a rampage in the kitchen. I had the devil in me (phrase).
    I really frightened myself; my children had witnessed this I had to shut the kitchen door because I could not control myself. When I start to 'crash' down I see it as a real emergency because I FEAR what I might do. I scare myself!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2008
  7. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    I don't really know what I can say to help, but I'm glad you wrote that stuff down.

    I think you're not able to leave this life because it's not your time yet, I think your body might be telling you something.
  8. underthestars

    underthestars Active Member

    It doesnt sound crazy that you no longer own ur own body when you feel like that. I know the exact feeling. Its like your so far away from yourself that you dont know what your doing. I dont know how to control it in myself either. I usually call a friend who gets help.
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