feeling a bit lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gabelle, Jul 3, 2007.

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  1. Gabelle

    Gabelle Member

    right now, I am really, really hungry. I get my money soon, then I will stuff myself with so many burgers and chips and cola that I will not want to eat anything again for a week. I guess I am typing here now to keep my mind off the fact that I feel like a starving Jew in a concentration camp. I tried reading, but Olive Schreiner's "Story of an African Farm" was so sad and disturbing that I just stopped reading and went and took a bath. A bath always helps, doesn't it? Freud would say it brings us closer to the fluid-filled time we spent in the mother's uterus. Probably. I cry a lot these days, because as I grow older I seem to be unable to believe how cruel and unfair life can be. I grew up on farms, wandering around dreamingily besides grapes and cats, and suddenly I live here in this Rich-Bitch of a town, where you are either very rich, very poor, or lost. I guess I am lost. Don't say I am evil, I am asking questions, and I am knowing the answers. Hitler killed 5 millions Jews. Everyone cried. Everyone called him evil. What we forget is how many of those 5 million people were truly good, nice people? How many would have given you one touch of love to save your life? How many would laugh at your destruction and sneer at the memory of you? My best friend refuses to see me anymore. Why? She said she can't stop feeling jealous. Great. Fun. I tried not to call her an idiot I tried so hard, even though she failed her subjects. I guess she was stupid. She chucked away the one person who really cared for her. What does she want me to do, put new scars on my face? So she can feel happy again? To be with inferiority? I don't know what I'm gonna do, but right now it feels as if I am located in a zoo, not a society. Sure, maybe the depression is causing this bleak outlook. I damn well hope so. What can I do, friends, enemies? What can I do but shelter my mind from the evil of it all with food, baths and books? Surely I shall perish if I stand so close to the light. Good luck with your battles, my fellows. Death calls me and winks softly as a seductive lover, he makes beautiful promises...he could be my one true love or a mere whore. But burgers and chips...cures it all...
     
  2. Gabelle

    Gabelle Member

    and, to make matters even more shitty, I neglected to write philosophy 122 FOR THE SECOND TIME. I ruined a PERFECTLY GOOD report card AGAIN by neglecting to pitch for medieval philosophy exam. My rivals are laughing behind me back. And, the worst: I am in love with the lecturer...and if he sees my face AGAIN in the medieval philosophy class I will die of embarassment. If anyone can offer me a loaded gun, plz mail it to me...
     
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