Feeling a bit rubbish

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Chickpea, Feb 13, 2008.

  1. Chickpea

    Chickpea Well-Known Member

    I have no idea what set me off. But I guess I need to let things out.

    I was feeling ok and looking forward to Valentines etc. But now I just want to cry... I've had a bit of stress (i.e. a social day which is a bit tough for me) and some minor 'animal' issues (I'm a vegan) but nothing that SHOULD trigger me to feel so upset! I don't know whats wrong.

    I just want to take the pills that I have. I told myself I wouldnt... tried to convince myself that it isnt fair for me to quit life. And I'm right, it isn't fair at all. But sometimes I just think...... so what?! I won't take them now. Not even soon. But often I just wish that I could get it over with. I don't want to live til I'm old. I've stopped believing in God and gradually weaning off the idea of a soul/eternal life. Cos I don't want to live til I'm old and I certainly don't want to exist FOREVER.

    Just.... what is the point? Why am I bothering with all of this? I want to cry. But I know I shouldnt.... :sad: Sorry I'm just venting. :sad:

    I want to take those pills. But I know that I have other people to think of.... And.... I think I'm in... love. And that pisses me off too because I know I'm probably wrong again, and he probably doesn't 'love' me. So I'm angry with myself for feeling it :mad: