feeling a bit too desperate

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nony, Aug 5, 2013.

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  1. nony

    nony New Member

    I am sorry to post here, with no introduction or anything. Feeling desperate. Self-loathing/anger/fear all through the roof.
    Suicide feels like the only answer, but I know it's not. It's not an answer, or a solution. I feel pathetic writing this. For reasons I don't want to share I should really know better when it comes to suicidal feelings. Cannot connect with that part of me though. The part that knows everything is transient and that this too will pass.
    All I can connect with is wanting out. The only thing stopping me is guilt about the impact on those left behind. I guess that's ok, it's keeping me alive after all, but it doesn't exactly help with the self-loathing!
    I don't know what I want or need, I don't know what might help. And because of that I find it so much harder to reach out for support. I have not been in such a dark place for a long long long time.
    Questioning...what's the point...what's the point in reaching out to strangers anonymously...what difference will it make. I guess the fact that I am about to hit submit tells me it's worth a try. Some part of me wants to feel better. Some part of me doesn't want to quite.
    I really am sorry to just join up and then come straight here, offering nothing before asking for something, and not even knowing what I am asking for.
  2. augustleo13

    augustleo13 New Member

    You are asking for hope. There is hope!!!! You have loved ones.
  3. nony

    nony New Member

    Thank you augustleo13. Yes, I have loved ones. Hard to feel hope, rather than guilt or burden from that, but that is a problem with my head not your words. But hearing the sense in your reply, the sense that my gloomy head wants to ignore. Thank you for reading and replying. I will try and hold onto the hope that is there.
  4. nony

    nony New Member

    Sorry. I realise now that this may be in the wrong forum. Maybe should have been in suicide forum. Please feel free to move it if that is the case. Not important, and don't want to create work, so quite ok for it to stay here too. Just battling angst about 'getting it wrong'.
  5. LexiRN

    LexiRN Active Member

    Cling to any reason to stay alive, even for others. That is what got me through my hole and I am glad I clung on to something. It took a lot of therapy and various meds (even my shrink says I am on a "shitload of meds"). But I don't care how many meds I have to pop or how much I have to talk to my therapist, I am still here for my family and all in all feeling much better about life. Suicide no longer plagues my thoughts, even if I wish I had more drive and motivation, I am a hell of a lot better than I was. The key for me was I had to fight for me, no one else could fight for me, even if they had wanted to. I had to try to believe in the possibility that it could be better. Hugs to you...
  6. melpomene

    melpomene New Member

    What if one has no loved ones? I feel no hope because there's no one. I have only two wonderful animals but they're not great conversationalists. I've even started thinking the worst for them. There's no one to take them. They're the only reason I'm still here after 15 months of this agony. I really don't know how many more times I can wake up just to make their day worth living. How uplifting are their lives when I'm so pathetic? Is there any thread I can cling to just for them?
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