In another section I posted that I recently lost my fiancé to suicide. The last few weeks have been hell on earth. Thankfully my family and closest friends have all been here for me. It helps but honestly does nothing to fill this whole I have in my heart. They don't understand this pain. Sadly I feel like it's growing. I miss her so much. Not really suicidal, but I have thought of ending my life. One part of me desperately wants to carry on for the both of us and live this life to the fullest so when I see her again she can be proud of all I did for us. But the other part has no clue how to move forward and has contemplated what it would be like to end the suffering and go to her quickly. I just can't rationalize thinking like that. Because I know I want to live, but how after loosing the person dearest to me? How can I expected to carry on, I know she didn't want to hurt me but how could she think I could shoulder this pain? I'm broken and feeling very down today. I'm sorry if this isn't posted in the right section. Just wanted to express my feelings and maybe talk with a few people.