- feeling alone and lost-

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by X-FallenSolitude-X, Oct 3, 2016.

  1. X-FallenSolitude-X

    X-FallenSolitude-X Well-Known Member

    Posting here because I really can't handle people saying I shouldn't be doing x and should be doing y


    I've <mod edit - method>last night yet again and no I didn't get checked out . I also am unwell with anemic on top of woman's health problems.

    Everyday last week something went wrong.
    I must be a really bad persons.

    I smile and I do my make up I make everyone else laugh but I can't hide how I feel.

    I feel alone no friends I can talk to they don't wanna hear it or I just can't let them in no family.

    I see my worker this week then they are away . I used to call the out of hours but I haven't recently I don't want all the dram and the hospital mentioned for blood tests no just no.

    I feel like going back to the drink and cutting.

    I find myself crying every nights. I am so angry and hurt .

    I feel lost trapped with life.

    I can't handle winter I get depressed.

    Anniversaries of rape and something else.

    Why can't I just go of the rails.

    How do I talk about what's wrong.

    I am broken.

    I wish I had a mum I could cry to . To hold me close and say it's okay too be there help me through or anyone. But nope I battle these demons behind closed doors.

    Even my kitty tries but it doesn't feel enough and now I'm crying again alone on the edge .

    I just need a hug
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2016
    Thauoy likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  3. X-FallenSolitude-X

    X-FallenSolitude-X Well-Known Member

    Thank you x
  4. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    lots a hugs sorry your struggling so xxxx
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  5. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    A lot of hugs to you.
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  6. Danny260690

    Danny260690 Member

    Offering hugs and a listening ear.

    Sorry to hear that your feeling so much pain :(
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  7. X-FallenSolitude-X

    X-FallenSolitude-X Well-Known Member

    Thank you

    I don't know what I'm going to type so sorry .

    I've had another shitty day. I keep doing X to myself. I told my gp I've told mental health worker in text . Seems like no one responds or I don't like what the gp recommends a visit to be checked out in a&e but it's not needed.

    I'm so fed up of going home and doing X. 3 times so far this week and tonight included. I hate how poorly it makes me feel.

    Apparently I look well it's amazing what fake smiles and make up hides.
  8. Danny260690

    Danny260690 Member


    I do exactly the same thing, and it does drain you i agree.

    Are you keeping an emotiona diary? It may sound weird but same as writing here write in a diary how you feel, GPs are thick and need to see it in text.

    Whenever you feel like hurting yourself come and write here, we are all here to listen to you remember your not going through this on your own... we are here to help.

    A listening ear and some response is the first step to recovery, and with that mask and makeup, it only takes one person to see into your eyes and feel your pain xxxx

    Hope this offers some comfort to you xxx
    Thauoy likes this.
  9. X-FallenSolitude-X

    X-FallenSolitude-X Well-Known Member

    Thanks got repyling . I'm cryin my eyes out right now . I'm so angry my mental health worker let me down again and never bothered to even text me ! I told myself if I just held it toghehrer till today and now she's not in for a few weeks after Tuesday. I'm so stressing out and I don't know how to not do X tonight
  10. Danny260690

    Danny260690 Member

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been let down. But this forum will always be here and ill be here to listen and chat for as long as is needed.

    Have you tried to keep a mood diary? Everyday take 10 minutes to write how you feel that day in a diary, this will help the mental health workers understand the pain you are going through.

    I started one and use it daily and now my health worker understands and i think its given them a kick up the a** as they offer a little more support.

    Let me know if you start one and whther it helps even just a little

    Sending you thoughts and hopes for your recovery. Xx
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  11. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you're having a rough week. Hugs. You are strong.
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  12. Diego1974

    Diego1974 Member

    try to do a lot of phisical activity try
    big hug from another suicide person