Feeling ashamed all the time, even for other people?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Dying embers, Jul 17, 2008.

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  1. Dying embers

    Dying embers Well-Known Member

    Hi guys. For a while I've been feeling so full of shame all the time. Not for things that have happened in the past, but always on the present. Like I go to tell a joke or a story, and suddenly I feel like I look ridiculous and get ashamed. Then I feel all ashamed about how that must have looked to other people, even people I've known all my life. Anytime I speak or smile or do anything apart from walking along with my head down, I feel like everyone must think I'm really stupid and so ashamed of myself. Even when I say something that goes down well or makes everyone laugh, I feel like they're humouring me.

    I can live with that, but lately it's been spreading to feeling ashamed when other people are doing extraverted things too. Like when I'm watching a comedy show or something, even something that's really funny and everyone loves, I can barely watch it for fear the guy will tell a bad joke and noone will laugh, and I'll get this unbearable hot feeling of shame. When people do anything at all to stand out, I feel petrified and so so ashamed. Even when the extravert is someone who couldn't care less if people are laughing at him, it still happens. I hate it cos I really want to be happy and loud and free, but this is killing me. Can anyone relate at all?
     
  2. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    Oh man, I can totally relate.

    A bought a shirt for a friend of mine and got it signed by the lead singer of the band, right? It was at a concert. But I was so worried she wouldn't like it. So I'd look at it sometimes and be like "Well... she'll like it... But the signature is small/at the bottom... I should have gotten it on the back" or whatever. And then I gave it to her but like I never know if people like it. I just kept thinking... It's happened to others, where they give a gift and the person thinks its gross, but they pretend to like it. So I just kept getting embarrased. Like... I spent a week obsessing about getting the right shirt and making sure it's nice, and then I spent my money and what if its a waste? How could I be so worried about it? Pathetic. I just wanted it to be perfect and in the end I look like a creepy little fuck who over obsesses about things.

    And yeah. I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like "I look good" but at the end of the day when I've done everything I'll look in the mirror and be like... Wow thats pretty gay... And you said some ridiculously stupid things. Or I looked like an idiot doing that, or whatever.

    And I get it for others too. I play RPGs, and I'm always the good guy. If im the bad guy and I do bad things to people in Mass Effect or Star Wars I'll actually get sad or upset or embarrassed... And when I watch TV and I see people get in embarrassing situations I'll be like "Ooooh noo! :("

    It's weird but I can totally relate
     
  3. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    Wow.. I know exactly what you mean!

    Every time i go to the store or something i feel like a total freak, even if i don't have a reason to...
    it's to the point a lot of other people either think i'm a mute or an inhuman robot w/o a personality, because anything i have to say that's even MILDLY controversial (etc.) gets muffled somewhere between my brain and my lips, and just never comes out- NEVER...
    Even when things seem to be going great around my closest friends, i still don't feel right at all... sometimes i feel like their just putting up with me...
    Makes actually living pretty much impossible... really does suck...

    Having some really close friends close by really does help a lot though... i know it used to be a lot worse back when i had absolutely noone...
    For a while I got to where when i was around some really close friends i could almost tolerate living...
    But even though i was feeling considerably better,
    i knew i'd still never be able to do anything i wanted to, and that really bothered me a lot...
    But still, it was a heck of a lot better...

    Seriously though, if you have anyone that you feel unusually "easy" being around then you should force yourself to be around them as much as possible, even if you do feel horribly awkward in the process...
    i know it's pretty much the only reason i've managed to hang in this long..

    oh yea, you may want to look into anxiety disorders a bit also.....

    Anyways hope something in here helped a little...
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    This can be a form of compulsive thoughts. It might be worth discussing with a professional before it becomes crippling for you. Think about it. :) :hug:
     
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