Feeling Awful

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Anam_Cara, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member


    how do you handle it and not come unglued when someone who is infatuated with you can't handle the reality that you can't be with them?

    i had to break off a relationship/friendship with someone who is infatuated with me, for several reasons and this person keeps talking death now.:sad: i tried to be very considerate of their feelings and break things off slowly and gently.

    they had wanted me to move in with them (immigrate to another country) and spend a lifetime in a romantic relationship.

    there are several reasons i cant at present:

    1) i have a relative dying and my assistance is needed here
    2) i have a child to think about, i can't take her with me as her custody is
    in a relatives care and they wont let me take her abroad to an unsure
    situation. i really dont want to leave my child behind and be thousands of
    miles away. not to mention one of the two relatives who's caring for her
    is the one who's dying.
    3) i don't want to be a burden to this individual who wants me to move in with
    them. I am unable to work, even family is having a hard time (as a group)
    supporting me.let alone one sole individual who's already having financial
    4) deep down im in love with someone else.and it wouldnt be fair to this one
    to move there and end up coming back over all of these reasons.

    i feel guilty because this person is emotionally attatched to me, and i know it hurts them that im not coming after we planned it out. but things happened
    in my life (and heart) that couldnt be controlled. i don't want to be to blame for their suicide, ive done everything i can to be kind, and gentle but i end up feeling this is my fault for their life getting screwed up and if they harm themself..
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    You're not responsible for anyone's life.

    I suggest just cutting it off for good and not contacting or hearing from the person again. The person will be left to deal with how to manage their own life without you.

    There's a possibility it could get messy or abusive and I've been in a similar situation.

    It's got nothing to do with you if this person is emotionally attached to you.
  3. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member

    i know im not responsible for their life, but it still disturbs me. the friendship has been severed as of tonight so they say, and i think for the better, i had been in a sort of online relationship that went bad scenario. i had planned to come stay with them but changed my mind when i realized that the one i truly loved, i still did deep down. i was kind enough to not even tell the one who is infatuated with me that my heart belonged to the first woman.i just explained my financial and life situation. which should have been enough.

    i just dont like the guilt placed on me in the end. which it has been in a round about way. this person claims that they're going to send me money to make sure im okay that at least they cared and tried to help.

    arghh i'm avoiding relationships for good now.. had enough
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Yeah they can be messy. I hope it goes well/smoothly for you after this. I do understand that feeling of guilt well.
  5. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member

    thank you.. i hope things go smoothly now too i have to release guilt i know.. lots of relationships break up doesnt mean go commit suicide over it