Feeling bad about my divorce...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cfmhd35, Feb 11, 2013.

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  1. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    I am in the process of a divorce after 14 years and can't cope. I wrote this song about it the other day...

    The Artist

    Today I’m gonna make a painting, be the best you ever saw
    Got my haircut and a new suit, now the writing’s on the wall
    Lugging my paintbrush in the woods, walking all alone
    Keep looking in my pocket, won’t you call and bring me home?

    It’ll be red as red can be, like a dying scarlet symphony
    Leaving me black and somewhat blue, hope you get your epiphany
    Bits and matter, canvas splatter, well I’m not quite Van Gogh
    He only lost an ear, but now my mind has got to go

    So can you picture me cold and alone, oddly calm, no sensation?
    Broken heart, tear in my eye, maybe a bit of perspiration
    On my knees to make that stroke, a moment of hesitation
    I hope you like my work, because you were my inspiration

    Grab my heart and take this brush, we can begin again
    We can paint ourselves anew, doesn’t have to be this sin
    We painted one side of the paper, but we can turn it over
    Whole new space to make our view, only this time safe and slower

    There’s still some oil in our bucket, some refraction to discover
    There’s everything we want to paint, just look to each other
    We can make a world for us, constant travel or a mother
    Anything is there to take if you’d again just be my lover

    So can you picture me cold and alone, oddly calm, no sensation?
    Broken heart, tear in my eye, maybe a bit of perspiration
    On my knees to make that stroke, a moment of hesitation
    I hope you like my work, because you were my inspiration

    The day is unfriendly, the sun is setting, now it’s all gone dark
    “Takes a minute” they say to leave, this bite’s no longer bark
    As I lay there alone and fleeting, thoughts of you they hit the mark
    Can’t you see that I’m no artist, we just need to find the spark

    I hope you never have to see it, my work is pretty grim
    Why couldn’t you still see me shine before all my light went dim?
    I’m not the thing that you’ve painted, you didn’t come here on a whim
    It took some time to make me “art”, now you just need a hymn

    So can you picture me cold and alone, oddly calm, no sensation?
    Broken heart, tear in my eye, maybe a bit of perspiration
    On my knees to make that stroke, just a moment of hesitation
    I hope you like my work, because you were my inspiration
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You show your your soon to be ex hun how strong youare how stable you are and you move forward ok You do not let someone take you away hun You show them you are capable of moving forward and perhaps in time when your ex sees this strength things will change hugs
     
  3. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    I can't take it anymore though - 8 months of pain and crying - i'm thinking Valentine's Day seems poetic with a grim touch of romanticism...
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you are feeling so depressed and alone. Broken love is a loss that needs to be grieved. It takes time - please allow yourself all the time you need to process your feelings. Ending your life would only mean that you're ending yourself...And given the depth of the love you had, the talent you display in writing about it, and the strength you've shown in reaching out, you deserve a good full life in the future! I think you deserve to live and to have as much love as you are willing to give another person, but you have to be here sill for that to happen. :hug: I hope you will stay strong and safe!
     
  5. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    "I think you deserve to live and to have as much love as you are willing to give another person"...

    I gave all my heart for so long... appearantly i deserve this. It takes two people to fail, i realize that, but as i get better with myself i actually get worse - i have so much regret and pain abut things that we both could have done differently. Now my heart is thrown in a blender every day...
     
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