First would like to say hello to everyone. I am not a new member I registered here like 8 years ago or something under a similar nick but I haven't been here too often last few years. I forgot my password so I had to create a new account a few months back. Also sorry for my english, it's not perfect. I feel really bad atm and I don't even know where to start from. First, I don't know how i survived all these years. Nothing has changed in my life a bit. Actually only thing that has changed is that I didn't feel that bad last few year, thats why I haven't been here too often. I just came to the stage of depression when you don't care about anything anymore, I just accepted the fact that I am a fuck up and that nothing will change so I learned to live with that. In my previous ranting under a different acc I said pretty much everything about me. To make it short: No job, no girlfriend, little friends who I haven't here from in a while etc.etc... The things that changed in a last few years are: my alcoholic father died, and a year ago I got some serious lung disease (sarcoidosis). I have recovered but still going to control my health each few months. I've lost will to change anything anymore, there is no thrill in my life, I just don't care, I would've probably died a years ago if it wasn't for my mother. I don't want to hurt her, but I know I can't live like this anymore. My life has no purpose at all. All I do is watching movies or go out of house, just walking around by myself with no purpose. Sometimes I go to some music concert or go out with a few friends but its very seldom now. I know I am not a good fried so I don't blame anyone for leaving me. I still have a few friends from here on my FB account(most of them have left me), I never really knew them well, I don't even know whats their nick here anymore. I feel bad tonight again like I did a few years ago because I just realised that I will never be with girl I liked for years. She liked me too but we never got together because I am such a loser. Also I sold all my favourite music records. It was like my favourite bands and I didn't feel that bad when selling it, but I still feel like I did something wrong. I can't explain how I got here where I am now. I should have been a happy man. I hate everything now, I just want to die or live like an animal without any responsibility toward anyone. I can't connect with anyone anymore, I don't want it...I don't want to have a good wife, kids...I know It's not for me, I am egoistic and selfish person and I am gonna die alone. Thanks for reading and sorry for being negative. I don't really expect any help here. I know there's a lot of good people around here but I've heard any possible advise that could have been given to person like me so there is nothing new to here for me. Also I don't believe in internet friendships because there is no much things to talk about with someone thousand miles away from you. It is doomed to fail sooner or later, at least in my case because I am probably not much interesting person. Thanks again.