feeling bad

Feeling really bad tonight, was wanting to OD earlier.
had access to the pills when my dad ( hosts husband) was at A and E with hosts nephew after he had taken an OD ( he took them before we met him today he is ok and gone home )
But i didn't , i don't know why i didn't.
Maybe because dad had already been up at A and E and he had enough to deal with , with that.
I no longer have access to the pills as dad has put them somewhere else
Am feeling bad because of flashbacks of abuse , we dont have a therapist at the moment A, because we cant afford one B, because we have trust issues and C, because we are too scared to talk about the past.
We are trying to deal with the flashbacks the best we can.
At the moment am feeling really scared not just me the littles and kids are really scared that the abusers are going to come back and get them ( littles and kids don't post here because this isn't really a forum for them )
having to live through the flashbacks are so hard to deal with it just feels that we are back there again with the abusers
i dont know what i want out of this post , maybe just some understanding
Thanks
Rei

 

Rei :hug: im sorry you aren't feeling very good. flashbacks are horrible - try and remember that they aren't real now and that you are safe. i'm here to try and understand along with other people who care here :hug:

 

Posting help you get the sadness out the pain i find it helps alot hun You keep posting okay You look around and see that the past is just that gone you are here now safe okay hugs

 

We have tried therapy before we ended up with us staring at the floor and not talking.
or us dissociating.
Rei

 

Rei :hug: nice to see you again today hun

know that you can talk here right? maybe you had the wrong therapist before and could find one who you feel more comfortable with... but please try and remember the flashbacks are no longer real and you are safe talking here :arms: