Feeling beaten down

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadcat, Sep 20, 2015.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    AM struggling - had a new shot of anti-hormones to fight cancer.
    And it failed immediately.
    So now it is just a few herbs between me and the deep dark.
    And I was told that when the cancer spreads more it will hurt a lot more.
    Well, I do not want it to hurt a lot more.
    I stopped all opiates for pain , in an effort to get a special cancer med.
    So if it hurts a lot more - that is going to be a problem.
    Thinking bad thoughts again.
    And feeling very sad again.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i am sorry i hear your fear and i am sorry that you have to fight this terrible illness. I do hope you get the special cancer medication soon Is there no way you can go to hospital until the new medication comes in order that you get some supports in place to deal with pain like a pain specialist there and also a specialist that deals with depression in cancer patients please hold on
  3. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    have to wait about a year to even apply for that special med.
    and there is nothing to deal with the pain - not really.
    Besides - it i become symptomatic - they will not give me the special med.
    That si why i had to stop the opiates - because they consider if a person needs them , that they are symptomatic from the cancer.
    Well that is not true for me - i get pain from 4 herniated discs and 4 vertibra with spinal stenosis .
    So - unhappy days for me.
    Been off the opiates now for a couple months and getting to where I am in so much pain - that
    ... i am thinking more every day about going back on the opiates.
    ... I am at point where I do not care much whether I remain here .
    ... and - nothing else matters either.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Just wanted to say thinking of you. Feel free to message anytime, can send "conversation (forum message)" or if i am online just say hello from the chat list for private chat (may have to "follow me" ) if want to tlak about this or just want to talk about any topic in the world.
  5. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. I wish I could help. Please take care.
  6. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the replies - total eclipse, NY JumpMaster, and Danialla.
    I am feeling very low. And any kind words do help a lot.

    I have been chasing the cancer away now, for 3-1/2 years since it went metastatic ( spread) .
    Have used new dosing methods - which I taught the doctors.
    And have been using herbs and such.
    And the herbs have been very good. Very helpful. Vastly better than I ever dared to expect.
    But now I need to demand more from the herbs and such - so I am introducing new herbs to keep the cancer guessing.
    Have gotten poisoned for a few weeks from some of the new herbs. Slowly trying some other new candidates.

    I am not even sure that the cancer is out of control now.
    And am not sure whether that is bad or good. A rise in cancer activity might hasten the special cancer med ,
    ... which i so badly need to add to my arsenal.

    I am already 2 years last when the doctors expected me to bit the dust.
    And my herbs and such has been so effective that two doctors are now giving my list to other patients.

    But, every single day is precious, and every day is a new challenge for me.
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sadcat, I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I am also very proud of you for keeping up the fight. You are displaying such courage! You are truly amazing! I wish the best with your herbs. What all are you taking and how did you learn about them? I sure hope you get the med you are seeking soon. I am constantly horrified by what the medical profession puts us through. And so much of it seems to be just a matter of money. Money should have nothing to do with the quality of care a person gets. I am glad you find every single day precious. And hope you continue to able to do so.

    Hugs to you.
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