hahaha i have felt so bad today.. so abandoned. so worthless. useless. ugly. disposable. i have stupid amounts of pills lying in front of me... i am so close so starting on them... and you know what. the person who made me feel this way knows it and hasn't said a fucking thing. because he thinks i hate him, but if i hated him why would i be feeling this bad over the fact he just decided to spring on me that he doesn't fucking want me anymore. what is it to him ?? having sex, holding hands, laughing together cuddling up for hours disposable. just like me. as soon as he finds somoene better i become worthless anda ll of the means nothing fuck all maybe i won't kill myself maybe i'll do it then go to then go to the hospitall... they might take me seriously then. maybe they'll fucking listen to me instead of thinking i'm just a stupid kid talking shite!!! hahaha i love the way taking more meds than I'm meant to instantly makes me feel better... i laugh at the damage i might be causing.. i am empowered with the control... once you start taking it is so easy to not stop.. it is just soo so easy to keep going... makes me feel so instantly better... it's so difficult to start but then when you do you don't have to stop... everything is falling apart at the same time because my supposed best friend can't cope with my mental illness, he can't cope with how much my morals change... nhs couldnt care honestly.. no one could started ODing.. stopped at a safe level... although 2.5x recmomended dosage... who cares?