feeling dangerous...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by KittyGirl, Apr 28, 2010.

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  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I'm looking for...
    Support, I suppose- since I'm here...

    No one else is home right now and it would be so easy for me to take it all and just go to sleep forever.
    The last week has been weird... I feel numb. I haven't really left my room. I haven't showered and I don't care. No one has noticed... and I don't know if I want them to notice.
    I just want to disappear this time.
    I don't want to wake up in the hospital again- I want to close my eyes and just sleep and not wake up.

    There's been more pressure for me to get out and 'be normal' again-- but less support. I can't do this by myself and that much is obvious.
    I don't even want to do it at all.
    I don't want to deal with being social and having friends and working... I don't want to do anything.
    I can't even do any decent artwork- everything turns out so shitty...
    It's a curse.

    The only one here who would miss me would be my kitty.
    I'm sure everyone could move on easily.

    I'm sorry.
    I shouldn't even bother posting...
    I don't know what I want. -__- other than to be put out of my misery.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I hate it when people pressure me to be socially normal. Then they offer no support or insight. Just go out and do it, is what they say. The one person who I found who was willing to help me just tells me what to do. Not how to overcome my fears.

    I can relate to where you are coming from. I wish I could offer more support and advice to you.. but I can't. Just keep away from your tools to end yourself and you will be fine. Just lie in bed... that is what I do.
  3. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Hey KG,

    I guess the whole social scene, work, friends etc. seems to be a bit overwhelming, but don't look at it as something that you have to break your back for.

    When you say you're feeling pressured, I guess your family at home is encouraging you to get out of the house?

    Just take it at your own pace. Hanging out with friends shouldn't feel like a tall task. Just go out looking for a good time, when you've had enough just come home. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I feel like you expect to do your absolute best when in a social situation and that has to be nervewracking/difficult for anyone.

    Just take steps.
  4. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I'd miss you too. :cry:

    I can't think of much else to say at the moment... Just know that moments like these pass, ok? Things will get better in time.
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you are able to stay with us stay strong okay like said these moments do pass things will even out a bit stay safe okay i would miss you too
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm still here but I don't want to talk anymore.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    At least you are still here, even if you want to remain silent.
  9. E69

    E69 Member

    I know exactly how you feel.

    I feel the same way. I want to close my eyes and just sleep and not wake up.

    I feel the same way. I dont want to deal with being social and having friends and working. The way "back" to my old life, before my illness, seems like a distant memory.

    I know we are supposed to offer each other "hope" but i am at my wits end as well.

    Whatever you choose, I hope that you are able to find some joy and happiness and peace. I would hug you if I could, but since I can't, please accept my sincerest blessings and love and prayers.
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