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Feeling depressed again (for various reasons)....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mbczion, Dec 31, 2013.

  1. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    Hello SF and, before I start, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year. May we ALL have a better year ahead. I mean that, not just saying that out of duty.

    Now about me. It has been a while since I posted here (a couple of months or so) and the last time I posted I was doing pretty well (since my divorce was final and all). However, now I am down again.

    There are various reasons I am down, so sorry if this post is long:

    1) My ex and I live in the same community, which is good because she has full custody of the kids while I have them every other weekend, including every other Friday night (overnight), every Friday (morning/afternoon) and every Sunday (afternoon evening, including dinner). So, my kids live less than a kilometer from me. What is bumming me out though is that my ex is invited out to a lot of meals, while I am not invited out to any. It is no surprise that the friends who knew my ex before they knew me are inviting her out exclusively, but what hurts is that there are also friends who my ex and I met together, while we were married, who are ONLY inviting her out, but never think of inviting me out.

    I am VERY busy with two jobs and with my kids when I have them. Plus I have other interests as well. So, most of the time, I am content eating alone when my kids are not with me. However, it would be nice to be invited out once in a while. It seems like people feel more for my ex since the divorce ("my gosh, she can't be alone, we should invite her over for meals, etc. etc.) than for me. I am not sure if it is because people, in general, feel more for the woman/mother during and after a divorce than for the man/father. It is like we (men) are expected to just tough it up and not have any feelings of loneliness or vulnerability after a divorce. Only women have a monopoly on those feelings.

    Admittedly, my ex was always more social than me and better at inviting herself out than I am. Part of the reason for that is I was always tired from working two jobs and she was sitting around all day yapping on the phone, so of course she will be more social.

    So, in a nutshell I am feeling lonely because no one has even thought of inviting me over for a Friday night or Saturday morning (very customary in my community) meal since my divorce. It is not just about meals though. I do have a couple of friends who I don't get to see because I am SO busy and they are SO busy and we live far away from each other, but I do call them at least every other week. However, they never call me. If I never called them, I would never hear from them. And it hurts :(

    2) I spoke with my son's teacher the other night and she said my son (who is in first grade) is very sweet, behaves well, has a thirst for learning, and is like a sponge when it comes to absorbing material. BUT (you knew this was coming), he has been coming to class for the last couple of weeks with no supplies or books. He has been sitting in class doing NOTHING while the rest of the class is learning because he has no supplies or books. It broke my heart to hear this. The problem is my kids live with my ex, who is totally dysfunctional. When I lived with her, our place was turned upside down. Admittedly, she did just move apartments last week, but a normal person would make sure to set aside their kids school stuff so it doesn't get lost. I asked the teacher to PLEASE email me a list of everything my son is missing and I will go buy it for him. However, this is only a temporary solution. I fear that even if I was to buy my son what he needs it would be lost again in another week or two because my ex can't even keep track of HER stuff, let alone our kids. My son also almost missed his vaccination at school because my ex couldn't find the form he needed. Luckily, she found it at the last minute and brought it in to the school in a nick of time, but I am tormented by having NO control over situation/s that directly effect my kids.

    3) My ex still hasn't done her part to close our joint bank acct. I went in at the end of November and signed all the forms, paid what I needed to (except for my ex's credit card debts) and assumed my ex would have went to the bank within a couple of weeks after I did (the teller even spoke with her on the phone in front of me), but yesterday I get this call from the bank that my ex still hasn't come in to close the acct. and we still have these debts (HER outstanding credit card debts). The bank is hassling ME because of HER and it is annoying. I kept asking them what they want from me?!?! I did my part. All the lady could say is that since it is a joint acct. we are BOTH responsible for any accrued debts and that if my ex doesn't come in the next couple of days to close our acct. will lose it "pending closing" status.

    Sorry to ramble on, but if you made it this far, thanks for reading....
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No wonder your depressed hun she is not doing her part at all and it is not fair to your or your children. I hope she gets her act together so you can move on with your life Your right i think most people think of the woman after a divorce not the guy that stigma that the guy can take care of themselves and don't need help is still there Glad to see you reaching out here and talking to us I hope you continue to do so Hugs