i've been fighting this feeling, this wanting to die, i've really been trying. i'm on meds, i have a shrink, there's a nurse i really like who has helped. but i am so down tonight. she warned me that weekends are hard... so much time on my hands. i am trying to work on that "negative" self-talk and it's not working. being conscious of all the negative things i say to myself just makes me feel worse. here's how i start the day. i look in the mirror when i'm brushing my teeth and say to myself "god you're ugly. no wonder you are alone." i am so tired of fighting this. i don't have anything to argue back with myself. my head and my heart are just full of the bad stuff, all the failures, all the ways i've fucked up. i don't know how much longer i can keep fighting. i'm ready to give in. i'm ready to give up. cath.