Feeling down

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by scared_girl91, Mar 27, 2016.

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  1. scared_girl91

    scared_girl91 Member

    I think what stops me from ending this life, is that i can´t say goodbye to my family and friends. If I only had a physical disease and we could all get together and say goodbye. But when you want to die and commit suicide, you can´t tell anyone. It´s a thing I have to keep for myself.

    No one sees the fake smile, they think things a going better, but it´s worse. I try to talk about everything I want to do, but inside I can´t see how I´m going to get thru this...

    But all I want to do is to say goodbye.
     
    Red Nightmare likes this.
  2. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    I feel you. I feel absolutely the same. It's this ability of ours that we can put on a mask and everyone thinks that we are absolutely fine. But inside, we are devastated, we lost all our hope and we don't want to continue. A lot of times I just want to get in some sort of a car crash where my life would end.
    But unfortunately I can't.
    And if we decide to tell someone how bad we feel, their only words to help us would be 'time heals'. Pretty much a lot of b***hit.
    We are the only ones who can help ourselves. Only us have the means of helping ourselves and no shrinks or doctors would be able to help us.
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    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2016
    nothing_left likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hun, I am so sorry you're hurting. I know life is tough... and I really know the curse of having a perfect fake smile. But please don't give up.

    Have you spoken to your family about how you feel? Are you getting any help to deal with all of this? If you let them a therapist or counselor as well as medication can really work wonders for you. And it may take time, but it is possible.

    Be kind to yourself hun, please. Keep talking if you feel it helps you.
    My inbox is always open!
     
  4. scared_girl91

    scared_girl91 Member

    I´ve been ill for many years now, seen doctors and therapist. I don´t want my family to go worrying, cause if they do the time I spent with them is very tense. I want them to remember me for who I am and not the girl with schizophrenia. I cant live with it, the medication help against the symptoms but they also take away every thig else, I become a empty box that goes on auto pilot.
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    When did you last have your meds changed hun? Maybe you need something new? My best friend is has schizophrenia too, and she's currently on some meds that truly seem to help her now, with lesser side effects. I don't know what she's taking though, sorry... but why not try to talk to your psych doctor about this?
    Don't give up hun.
     
  6. scared_girl91

    scared_girl91 Member

    The medication I´m on now is like the last thing they try and it can´t be combined with other antipsycosis.
    I´m just afraid if I tell someone I will end up in psychiatric hospital and being told what to eat, when I can smoke, what I can watch on telly. And i don´t want that..
     
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    If you need some more intensive care for a little while perhaps that is worth it? You deserve to live like any other person. There are ups and downs and I know the downs are horrible. But I really don't think you should give up. You have people who care about you; let them care, let them be there and help you.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just want you to know I'm here and I care, I am sorry you are going through so much, we are here for you, don't go down without a fight *hugs*
     
  9. scared_girl91

    scared_girl91 Member

    Thanks <3
     
  10. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm sorry you feel like this. I hope you can find something to carry on for. Life can get better... It just takes change and action on our part.

    Please keep posting.
     
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