feeling down....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Suicidal Angel, May 19, 2007.

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  1. Suicidal Angel

    Suicidal Angel Banned Member

    I'm new here... this will be a nice introduction.. I'm 18.. i've been a cutter and had suicidal feelings for what really feels like forever... and tonight... I just cant take it right now! I know i wont! but.. omg.... :sad: I just... cant take it anymore... i've got so much to deal with! today i got meds from my doc.. I just barely started seeing someone and now i'm on meds lol... funny they want to medicate you before you can say a word! heh.. part of me wants to go.. erm... take.. all the pills... like an impulse I guess... I dont really want to.. but i feel i need to and i dont understand why. its like i'm just craving it! i am! I just want to die.. i mean really... the only reason i havent done something is cuz of him... but... heh... he'll never love me... even if he did.. all i would do is hurt him. he's always there... I've only got one real friend.. and he's my online friend.. weird or whatever i know.. but... he's all i have and i cant think of anyone better. i just... i've been this way for so long... i've been emotionally abused my whole life... my parents... they dont love me... really they dont... they say they do.. but.. you just dont say that stuff and do that stuff to someone you love... i feel so guilty about my life... i was never good enough.. and i'll never be good enough... i dropped out of school when i was 14... it hurts... a lot.. and i have borderline personality disorder... i just... would like to be able to breathe... but this pain... it just feels like it gets worse... and now i'm on meds... just started today.. i was totally against them...but lately.. i've just given up.. i dont fight any more.. and these feelings.. they're too strong... i just.. want to die... its more of a... craving a need... then anything else... its like.. I HAVE TO DO IT! but.. i dunno... i'm really weird... i just needed to say this.. sorry this is long...
     
  2. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    welcome to sf. sf has saved me from myself. i took meds for years too. you are not alone.
     
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