I'm feeling really down and on the verge of doing bad things to myself. I want to cut myself for the first time in over two years. I took my pills to try and numb the pain but it didn't work. I really want to get drunk and forget. I don't know why I'm writing this here - I just want to get it out I guess. My heart hurts but it really *really* shouldn't. I've grown attached to somebody I never intended to grow attached to, and now they've met somebody else.. I feel so much pain. I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't compare to her. I need to grow up but I don't feel I can. I can't sleep and my appetite is all but gone. I can't stop thinking and thinking and thinking. I want to puke but I don't have the energy; I want to cry but there are no tears. I'm in this weird, limbo-like place where I can't express my sadness but I can't get over it either. My belly aches from churning so much. I don't want to like anyone ever again - it's not worth all this pain and suffering when it goes wrong or doesn't end the way you want it to.