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Feeling empty

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Johnnie, May 12, 2015.

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  1. Johnnie

    Johnnie Member

    I don't know why I'm here. No matter how many times I've tried to talk on the crisis line, all I do is cry and they can't hear a word I say. I occasionally was harassed because of my gender identity, or how I looked. It used to bother me a lot but I don't care anymore. I don't even know what Im saying. Nothing makes any sense. I just feel completely empty. I guess I wanted to find someone who might want to talk. I'm not expecting anyone to answer this post. I think I just needed to unload my mind at this point so I can feel free.
  2. imars27

    imars27 Member

    Prayer and love for u.Take care.
  3. Useless

    Useless Active Member

    What do you want to talk about?

    Just unload your mind here. I know it may not solve the emptiness but it may put into perspective why and what is so empty for you.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Free your thoughts here, we will listen.

    Are you on any medications or have seen a therapist?
  5. Johnnie

    Johnnie Member

    I had another attempt last night but somehow managed to talk my way out of hospitalization while at the ER. They kept me overnight, but finally let me go after I put on a front to make it look like I was fine. Everything is just a blur. I often cry during my therapy appointments and just watch the clock go by way too quickly. It's like I can't find the words until there's only 5 or 10 minutes left, so I often don't bother. I have to see my therapist again today as a condition for allowing me to go home today. I'm so ashamed of everything - I don't even know what to say.

    I want to thank all of you for responding. But again, I really wasn't expecting anyone to. I guess I started this thread to have a brief log of sorts. I don't know. I just needed to unload, and this was the only place I felt safe in doing so without being taken away and held for CYA reasons. There really isn't anything else I want to say here, but thanks again for listening.
  6. Hopelss

    Hopelss Member

    It sounds like you have something to say but when there are people there to listen you do not know how to say it. Talking online can help, the lack of face to face interaction and delayed responses give a layer of protection that can help you feel safe enough to say what you really need to. It sounds like you have come to terms with your gender identity and that is good, you are who you are supposed to be on the inside so it doesn't matter what is shown on the outside, the flavor and pleasure of a 40 year old bottle of scotch is not reduced by the bottle being inside a paper bag.
    I am here and willing to listen to what you have to say and i would urge you to try to be honest when you go to the therapist, dont hold back with fear of what he/she may think, once you are completely open and honest about your feelings then people can begin to figure out how to help you.
  7. Johnnie

    Johnnie Member

    I need to end things. I wish things were different but nothing gets better. I can't bear to say goodbye to my family and I can't go through another hospital stay. I don't know where else to go. I'm sorry.
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