I'm now already three months away from most of my friends in a damn city (the two others who must also went there because of university, don't like it too). First it sounded good to go there. Diploma thesis didn't went very well (never start a project, from which nobody in your group has knowledge, only guy with a little bit knowledge left a week after i started). So i was send here for 6 month, where people have more knowledge. But the support in the new group isn't so well and the new project really sucks. Once i see a little light of hope, i'm happy but 2-3 days later i see that i was only a mistake or doesn't work. I have most of the time the feeling all what i do is useless and feeling myself useless. Waking up in the morning, then lying for a hour in the bed doing nothing, just looking to the wall, realise the time, get up to go to work without breakfast (lying in bed feels better, then to get up and eat), in the evening come back and read or play computer, but both gets with the time boring. Always hoping it gets weekend and i can probably drive home to see my girlfriend and other friends. Sometimes i'm happy that my girlfirend doesn't life here or all of my friends so i can look forward to see them, but at the same time i'm crying because they are away. Think they're the only reason why i don't ended my life, don't want to hurt them, better dying in a car accident or so. Looking into the future for more then some weeks, makes everything only more worse... Sometimes i don't know what i'm doing here... living, but for what? To die in the end, but then i could also die know? Some question are too scary... Sometimes i have the feeling i'm in a plain clear landscape and somewhere is an abyss and i'm walking there a straight line or random (doesn't matter because i don't know where the abyss is and can't see it). Often i had the feeling that i was already at the edge of the abyss and some further steps i would fall... but i didn't, must be somewhere else. So i'm still walking don't know where the abyss is, how far away it is, only having the feeling i get nearer to it. It's scary... One thing: I'm sorry for all people who are in a much worser situation. I mean in the extreme i must only look in the third world, every person there would probably lose happily an arm or so to exchange my life with his... So why i'm crying... even if my life becomes much worser i never must strave or so... must only live with feeling of emptiness... -- Dream as you'll live forever. Live as you'll die today.