feeling exposed

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Goneofftrack, Sep 28, 2013.

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  1. Goneofftrack

    Goneofftrack Member

    Hi all, if im reading this im guessing u have experienced some form of abuse, and that for that Im really sorry. I got r***** when I was 19, by a guy I had known really well, but I wasn't ware his a violent drunk at the time, lesson learned. Anyway when I told my family I got ur stupid cow, what did u let him in, u only have ur self to blame, oh ull bring shame on the family, my friends gave out saying they didn't he was a gud guy, and I shud have listened. So I got very negative and hurtful response. My sis was away in another country, found out two years later and call me a slut after that I thought I wud never talk to anybody again

    Then I met this guy, my guardian angel is only way to describe him, his just been amazing and love him with my body, soul and heart. One night we were watching a movie, a violent rape scene occurred I instantly got triggered, bolted into his bathroom, and I started crying and shouting, feeling very distressed. He asked me to tell him, I begged him not ask, and let me sleep. But he was too concerned, got dressed, turned on the light, ran off looking for tissues and chocolate, told me whatever it was it wud be ok, so I told him about my R**** never told a guy before and people I had told give me a very harsh answer back. So he knew, and he was very understanding and patience and nice about it. I was ok with him knowing, I felt so much closer to him after that.

    However things have been rocky lately, and we decided today we would go on a break, I don't think we can really fix things. So what do I do now? He knows my secret, and I was ok with him knowing it cuz we were together, but if we end it, I don't want him having the vulnerable image of me or my story in his mind. I wish I hadn't told him and I want to erase it. Now im feeling exposed and raw I don't know how to feel or how to react. I feel he has a personal memory or piece of me that's mine. I want to take it, and burry it. Not sure if im making sense, but I just feel really upset 2nite.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You make so much sense hun i understand i do but he cares about you he won't harm you with the knowledge you told him If he has any class at all he will keep your secret I think if you can please try to talk to a professional someone that will help you deal with the triggers the pain and sadness. How cruel of you family to say those things to you. I do understand hun i do and i am sorry you are feeling so exposed right now please get some help ok for you
     
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