Feeling exremely low, I just want it to end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dave1990, May 30, 2012.

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  1. dave1990

    dave1990 New Member

    I've been depressed for such a long time, at least 2 years(to me it's a long time). I began seeing a girl last November, and she's such a great person but needed a lot of financial help. Me being a sucker, I've continuously helped her. I've given her so much money to get her out of a hole, and now I am in one. I owe my bank $400, my family about $1000, and my family is threatening to kick me out now. I have no friends, my girlfriend's grandmother called the police on her the other day and said she stole her grandmothers wallet(which she wouldn't, she has no need to. she knows her grandmother is a bitch so she wouldn't risk something like that), so now I have NOTHING right now. My family wants money by tomorrow or I will be kicked out, bank needs money, I'm freaking out. Girlfriend's mom was going to give me about $2000 but I haven't been able to get a hold of her. She was busy today and couldn't get to me. Don't know when she will cuz I haven't heard from her in hours.

    Now I just want to end everything; I want to end my life and not have to deal with any of this anymore. My family knows I'm suicidal, they just don't care. I can't get my life together now as I'm unemployed due to summer vacation, and won't get compensation for another 2 weeks. I've just completely ruined my life.. I know people think my girlfriend used me, but it's not like she asked for the money really. I wanted to help her with certain things, she sometimes denied the money but I did not want her sick or in trouble or anything. We have such a strong connection, she wanted to move in with me next year, etc. We've talked about everything, discussed our deepest secrets, everything. If I get kicked out, I don't even have any friends to live with, can't live with her family as they don't allow her to have anyone over.

    I've been contemplating just going onto a busy, fast street, and waiting for a car to come and just run in front of it at the last second so they can't slow down much.. What should I even do at this point? No one I know understands any of this...
  2. you want to end it all over a few grand... come on bro, its just a rough situation. killing yourself over being short on cash is retarded.
  3. dave1990

    dave1990 New Member

    it's not over a few grand... i have no family, friends, i feel miserable all the time, no one likes or cares for me. i'm going to be kicked out of my house tomorrow as i don't have the money, no where to stay after that. i've had depression for a couple years now, tried cutting my wrists before(and money wasn't involved), i'm on medication but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. my doctor upped my dose to 4x the original amount and still, nothing. still the same, unhappy, no enjoyment in anything, miserable person. i feel like i have nothing to live for, i'm not even going to have a place to live...
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    When I was trying to help my son out of his problems before he ultimately did die by suicide, I spent a lot of money. So much so, in fact, that after ward I had to re-mortgage my home. The house was almost paid for and I'm 50 years old and should have a paid for home in my old age, but I owe again now the full amount because I had to borrow against the home (nearly one hundred thousand dollars) to pay off the debt that had been created. My son's passing required emergency response from various agencies that ended up billing my home owner's insurance yet an additional $100,000+. The insurance company did cover thost costs but can you imagine? Not only that, but my heart is forever broken without my child. Talk about a reason for feeling depressed - I do, and I cry every second of every day and have nightmares all night long. Alas, I must move forward. Death is not a solution, ever.

    In the past, I have had good times and bad times. At one point many years ago before getting back onto our feet, my wife and I lived in my van (i.e., almost out on the street!). We regained, worked hard, put plans in place, and built a comfortable life. But now, back in debt. That's how life is... and we all deal with it. We accept it because that is part of living.

    Why did I just tell you all of this? I wanted you to understand that the things you mention are issues we all face at one time or another. Often in greater sums. You will get through it. I have and do. I'll eventually be 100% cleared, I'll someday pay off much of the house before old age takes it's final toll, and life goes on.

    The problem with many parents is not that they do not care... it is that they don't realize that suicidal thoughts are serious. Some of us are working hard on spreading more education on this so that parents and others do understand and so that they pay attention and care. Your parents love you, believe it or not. Consider life an adventure - you WILL make it through it, we all do. Your life is important... even to me, and I don't even know you.

    Deep breath. Move forward.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2012
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    dave i would suggest seeing your doctor about your meds again...the ones you're on don't seem to be helping you

    if he won't do anything but keep upping the dose please get a second opinion.
    there are many meds out there....just got to find the right one for you

    perhaps talk to the bank and explain about your circumstances so they can work something out..
    talk to your family and tell them you're seriously in need of help..

    money problems are stressful but they are not worth you taking your life over.
    there will be a solution to these problems but it's not suicide ok :hug:
  6. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    people do care for you. seems like ur girls does. ur going trough a rough situation mate, but resolve will come. in the mean time try not to think about the cash. you said so yourself that her ma owes you, so wait on that. but in the mean time no need for both u and your girl to be in-debt, so try not to give out money...all you can do at this point is ask for an extension to payback your family...and def. deal with the bank first. regardless keep pressing. good luck mate. and if you need to talk just shoot me a message.
  7. dave1990

    dave1990 New Member

    I've tried talking to family and they just want the money.. They honestly do not like me, I can tell. No one in my family talks to me unless they need a chore done or want money. Today I'm getting kicked out and have no where to go so I feel like everything is about to end. :(
  8. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    im sure they like u mate. just to clarify when u say family do u mean ur immediate family like mom dad siblings or do u mean your entire family? regardless, do u think maybe they are tryna teach you a lesson? i.e don't loan money out to ppl that you can't afford. and if they do kick you out, they are your family and i am sure they will welcome you back.
  9. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    When we get thrown off of the horse, we brush ourselves off and we climb back on. Sometimes the fall is hard and we have to wait and recover before we get back onto the horses back. An amazing similar story is that teen girl they recently made a movie about. While surfing, a shark bit off her entire arm. She now had only one arm. She recovered and got back on the board. I think she is currently some sort of surfing champion. Anyone can have the world handed to them, but sometimes it is the challenge of life that make the entire process worth living.
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