Wow I havent been here for nigh on three years so where to begin. Well I got my degree, I went travelling around America, worked at a summer camp, gained a spot on a teaching degree and now I have just 7 more weeks to go and I have another qualification to add to my bow. I have loving friends and family and everything is great. But I still want to die, I dont get it. It doesnt make any sense to me what so ever. I feel ok and yeah even happy sometimes but the nagging feeling of wanting to do it is always there. I'm scared now slightly more than I was when I was a deranged and scared lunatic. I feel so eerily calm about it that I have now begun to start looking for certain medications to take and buy to overdose on. Feeling the way I am at the moment - having a happy death wish scares me. Half of me doesnt want to do this is what I truly want. Has anybody ever felt the same? Please.