I don't even know where to begin. I just feel so horrible, because not only am I ruining my own life, I'm hurting the people I love most as well. I don't even know how all these bad feeling have escalated so much. I guess that's what keeping them inside does. I just wish there was something I could do to make things better for everyone else. The one thing I want to do - take myself out of the equation - will only make it worse. I am to blame for so much pain, and yet there's nothing I can do to make it better. Nothing. I feel like I'm living in a dream world. Nothing seems real anymore. My emotions seem dulled. Life seems so empty. I would take my life if I could, but this would only bring more heartache to my loved ones, so in the end, no matter what I do, I'll be causing pain to people I care about. I've been slowly trying to take myself away from people I was once close with. I don't have any close friends anymore. A few key individuals are all that stands between myself and death. If only I could separate myself from them without causing them pain. I apologize to anyone's time I have just wasted by making them read this nonsense. My own mind is too fed up with my complaining.