feeling guilty (anxiety)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lost_in_a_fairytale, Jul 31, 2016.

  1. lost_in_a_fairytale

    lost_in_a_fairytale Active Member

    anyone else feel terribly guilty for having anxiety issues? I'm in my early twenties and haven't got a job and no decent amount of savings so my mum pays all the bills alone (dad left a long time ago). I've bought some things out of my savings but they've decreased by hundreds over the past couple years. I don't know when I'll have a job- I get rejected mostly and the huge gap on my CV isn't helping I'm sure. My mum normally doesn't mention it too often but sometimes she'll get really angry (I can see why) and starts insulting me/putting me down/belittling me (one time she put on a baby-ish voice and mocked me saying "ohhhhh I can't do anything I can't do anything waaaah waaah wahhh", and it upsets me a lot. Also, like tonight, she'll say things like "how long do you think I'm going to support you for? you can't do nothing forever. It's ridiculous. I'm paying all the bills etc". I feel terrible. I can't wait to be able to pay her back for multiple things and help, but in the meantime I feel like a terrible daughter. I do all the housework and cooking, am a nice person, but I still can't help but feel like having anxiety issues makes me a bad person :( I feel awful for letting people down when I'm sure nobody expected to be this much of a failure when I grew up
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiya, i'm sorry for what you are going through,anxiety doesn't make you a bad person at all. It's an illness.Do physical illnesess make people a bad person? No. So don't feel guilty for having anxiety issues. Can you apply for disability/welfare? You're not a failure, you just haven't worked through your issues yet x
     
  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi lost and welcome to SF, you will us a friendly bunch who just want to help and support each other. Having anxiety issues is not letting anyone down at all. Its a illness just like breaking a bone, just people still dont get that. But just like that broken bone, anxiety needs treating. I have anxiety problems, but I am working through them via therapy and take medication to help ease the symptoms.

    So whats your treatment plan, do you haveone at all?

    Sorry to read your mum belittles you, no one here will do that and they certainly wont judge you. We are all too aware of the damage done by mental health issues.
     
    Petal likes this.
  4. lost_in_a_fairytale

    lost_in_a_fairytale Active Member

    That's true.

    I don't know, I haven't spoken to anyone about that sort of thing. I've heard they are quite strict with giving benefits for those reasons and I feel like I'm not "bad enough" to qualify for it, but I guess I could look into it - although again, I wouldn't want to give people another reason to belittle me. I'm sure my mum would laugh at that idea, it's tricky :/
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Let her laugh all she wants. My mom laughed at the idea of me being on disability 6 years ago, here I am still on it. She accepts it now,( i live with her). We have made progress though, she has been supportive throughout the last 6 years especially when I attempted suicide and ended up in a coma. Mental illness isn't something to mess about with. It needs treating by a psychiatrist/doctor/therapist. Please seek the help you need.
     
  6. lost_in_a_fairytale

    lost_in_a_fairytale Active Member

    Thanks :)
    No, I've thought about seeing a doctor a few times over the past few years but never actually made an appointment (too nervous to, ironically). I worry it could make things worse, opening up to someone I don't know, having to go over the bad experiences when I'd rather not talk about them.....although I know to sort things out you have to go through opening up. Also even small things put me off like spending money on bus fares and talking on the phone. I saw a counselor years ago through my college and she really put me off trying anything like that again :| she told me "well younger people are dramatic", looked bored half the time, and just seemed totally disinterested
     
  7. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    My apologies for thinking you a new member, I got a tad confused with another.

    Counselors, hmmm, sorry, no time for em. Not trained in anything specific and most of em are soooo patronising. The thing is, to beat this anxiety, you have to start somewhere. That needs to be small, achieveable goals/targets. The longer you leave it, the more entrenched the anxiety becomes until you end up like me, a virtual recluse, that slowly drives you crazy, or into the depths of despair which then only goes one way.

    You can begin to fix yourself and learn to cope with anxiety. I am just starting to learn about it and how to manage it and if i can do that at 51, I am sure you can. Just dont try to do too much too soon, that sets you up to fail. AA decent GP will refer you on to the right services and you can quickly build a good rappor with a key worker. Mine is really good and does what she says she will do, not fob me off with half baked excuses.