Hello, this is my first post on this forum and I'm hopeful that maybe some of you might have some wisdom to share with me. I'm having a hard time wording what I want to communicate, not only because English isn't my first language but also because feelings are hard to put into words which I'm sure you're all aware of. Basically, my issue is that the fact that I'm constantly creating some sort of suffering is messing with my brain. I just feel so guilty. I know not everything of my existence has a negative effect, but the positive points definitely do not out-weigh the bad stuff. I'm actively participating in the destruction of our planet, the exploitation of people in poorer countries, contributing to animal suffering, making people uncomfortable and even though I'm working really hard on doing less of these bad things I know my existence is never going to be "suffering-neutral" or whatever you'd call it and just living on is hard for me. I've been thinking about killing myself so I'd at least minimize the negative impact I'm having. I don't know. I'm not enjoying life at all but I also don't feel like I'd deserve to because I'm creating such a huge load of suffering. I'd rather just have all of this end. I hope this made at least some sense. If any of you have something constructive to say, I'd be forever thankful!