I want to say that I appreciate you for reaching out like you have, but I'm sorry because I don't think I can continue going on anymore. I feel so much pain and it's not going away. More so, I cannot keep trying to move forward feeling like this. I keep thinking about the last time I found myself in a hospital and how it was nothing but 18 days basically doing nothing, while a the same time, life was still going on without me. Bills still needed to be paid. Rent was still due. And someone had already replaced me at work. I would watch the local news in the morning and seeing them talk about events in the area that even if I had wanted to go I couldn't. Then there were the nurses and staff in the hospital talking about their plans for the weekend and the upcoming holidays. This one day, one of the doctors treated the staff to hamburgers. Don't remember what we ate that day but it sure as hell wasn't burgers.
I'm rambling like this because not only is there no real help for me, but I see no hope either. It feels inevitable that I may end up in that hospital again or some other hellhole. So I feel I need to finally just find the strength to give up. I'm sorry for talking this way.