Feeling guilty :/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Payje, Aug 21, 2011.

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  1. Payje

    Payje Member

    Yesterday I had a really bad turn and my boyfriend had to pin me to a wall for over three hours in order to stop me from killing myself... I was trying to push him off me and screaming at him that I hate him and was begging him to let me do it if he truely loved me :/ once the worst was over and I wasn't as desperate I started to feel really guilty as he was crying the whole time which is the first time I've seem him cry in the 5 years we've been together... I know I was horrible begging him to let me if he loved me and I just don't know what to do :/ he says it's fine but I feel so guilty for putting him in that situation where I was determined to do it :/ I even resort as far as to tell him I never love him in the hope he would leave :(
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When we are in such dire pain, we do things that we would not do otherwise...please forgive yourself, as he has...and I hope you seek the support you deserve to secure that you will not have to do that again...I am sure he would agree...J
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Nice story.

    you let it all out and he cried.

    Any man who cries for a woman truly loves her.

    and as for him letting you commit suicide if he loved you!

    I know what you mean - but your emotions were all over the place and no man is going to let a women he loves kill herself!

    He sounds like a nice man actually.

    you got nothing to be guilty of - there's nothing like a suicidal moment to bring people closer sometimes.

    you shared and he accepted.

    Well done.

    Some may have held it all in and not shared - gone home, took an OD - you know how it goes.

    You were lucky.

  4. anonymousss3

    anonymousss3 Member

    Your boyfriend sound like a really nice person, you know?
    He truly cares for and about you.

    My advice? Go to him and just tell him everything. Don't lie, don't leave anything out. Just tell him everything and let him comfort you. Because if what you said above is true, he will understand, or at least try to understand.

    Just go to him. You're really lucky to have him.
  5. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling a little bit ashamed of myself at the moment too.
  6. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear this but don't feel too guilty. When we are in such a state we do things we would normally not.

    Take care. <3
  7. Payje

    Payje Member

    I'm scared to tell him as I don't want to hurt him :/ I've told him little bits before and I know it really hurt him to hear it :/ if you was him would you want to know exactly how I feel?

    Thankyou so much for replyig though :)
  8. anonymousss3

    anonymousss3 Member

    If I was him? I'd want to know everything, no matter how much it'd hurt me. If he doesn't know everything, how is he supposed to help. I've got no doubt he wants to help. What probably hurts the most is not the stuff you're telling him, it's the stuff you're not and he just has to guess.

    Honestly, I'm in a (sort of) similar situation, only I live in the Netherlands, and the person I love and loves me lives all the way in Australia. We met back in Hong Kong, when we both lived there for a while for our father's jobs (not similar jobs at all).

    She's recently been to mental hospital because of a suicide attempt. After she came out she told everyone it was just hospital and everybody assumed it was because of her diabetes. I decided to start a chat with her after like a month of no contact to little contact. She told me about the mental hospital and some other things.

    Right there and then was the first time I told her I love her. And I think it might have saved her life as she probably would have done another attempt.

    Anyway, getting sorta off-topic here. Point is, just tell him and hope for the best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2011
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hon if he stayed with you like that you have someone special

    be honest with him and don't shut him out by keeping everything to yourself

    you'll both be stronger for it
  10. Payje

    Payje Member

    Thank again for replying... I'm sorry to her thr your sounder away as I know how much I have relied on him at times... In reading that I have decided to tell him but i think I might do it a little bit each day? I dunno I'm just not sure unwanted the exhaustion that will follow if everything is brought up, also I think I may be just thatnlittle bit too much and lower my mood too far and even though I won't be on my own at any point I would much rather avoid feeling so low :L

    @wastingecho thank you :) I hope it make us stronger, was scared of pushing him away but maybe your right and I'm doing just that by keep ing it from him :)
  11. anonymousss3

    anonymousss3 Member

    I don't suppose it matters too much how you tell him, just as long as you do it.
    If you feel low, which I do a lot of the time too, go do something to distract yourself.
    Even though you'll feel like giving up doing what you're doing quite a lot during it, just let it go and do something else instead. What I usually do is play a first person shooter game on my xbox to release my frustration. You might not find the same thing as relieving, but you'll find something. As long as it's not self harming it should be fine. Self harming only brings your mood down further, even if it would relieve your stress at the time.
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