Yesterday I had a really bad turn and my boyfriend had to pin me to a wall for over three hours in order to stop me from killing myself... I was trying to push him off me and screaming at him that I hate him and was begging him to let me do it if he truely loved me :/ once the worst was over and I wasn't as desperate I started to feel really guilty as he was crying the whole time which is the first time I've seem him cry in the 5 years we've been together... I know I was horrible begging him to let me if he loved me and I just don't know what to do :/ he says it's fine but I feel so guilty for putting him in that situation where I was determined to do it :/ I even resort as far as to tell him I never love him in the hope he would leave