so i first got depressed about 2 years ago december. i got treatment in march the next year. its almost been a year since that. something has occured since then- went off to college (leaving boyfriend behind). tonight i just collapsed. recently ive been searching for a roommate. now im shy, really shy. i asked about everyone i could......even got kicked out of the plan of living with my sis and her roommates next year. 10 rejections. nothing will ever make u feel so rejected in your life! im still with my boyfriend. it was hard (i got really depressed when i left). i see him often, but i feel so alone without him here. and when i call him, somedays he seems like hes interested, but others, not so much (and hes the one i call for comfort) my major problem when i first came down here was that i make friends with guys more than i do girls, so i had many guy friends, but i was very confused at the same time about me and my boyfriend. i also hate the way i look. ever since ive been down here, its been hoody's an occasional hat, and jeans, which is me. i got glasses too. but watching sorority girls walking around like barbies, my self-esteem sinks. tonight, when i look in the mirror, i just break down crying. usually i just frown upon myself. i wish i could make myself more attractive. sure, my boyfriend says im beautiful, but how can i believe that when he still checks out other girls... ive gotten help. im on meds(been slacking on them lately - forgetting about it) but even when i am on them, im sad. recently i have cut myself twice this year (not across the wrist, but on my hand and upper arm so i could look at them and remember not to go back to feeling that way). and the urge is still there (not gonna lie). my moms so overwhelming with this whole thing. thats the one reason i like being at school, cause she cant reach me all the time, its up to me when she can. ive tried everything it seems like, therapy (since march of last year), meds, stress relaxers(like drawing or playing music). nothing seems to work. and so when i get really down, i feel like thats my time to go, what else is there to live for. i am open to any suggestions, heck, thats why im writing on here. trying something new.