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Feeling heavy.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jarrah, May 4, 2015.

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  1. jarrah

    jarrah Member

    I feel really thick lately, mentally and physically, heavy.

    I keep making mistakes, going in to work late, forgetting to go in at all. I'm not usually like this at all. I don't understand, I feel like I've fallen out of the world I used to live in. It feels like I'm in this soft vice, there's all this cushioned pressure on my chest and my thoughts, this weird heavy softness.

    I can think straight or communicate, I feel so sick and rotten. I went to the supermarket to get some food this evening and I just felt this blistering strangeness, I don't feel anxious, but it's this constant physical and mental sensation, and I look around and I don't understand how everyone else seems to be gliding and passing through it and living in it like it's normal when it feels so foreign, everything is changed, the light, gravity. I know that the world can't be different, but then I can't explain what has happened and how I feel. I feel like I'm being watched.

    I don't want to be here because it is so overwhelming and unfamiliar and uncomfortable, heavy and bad. I keep thinking that If I was truly unwell, I wouldn't know this, or I would think that the world had changed but not know that it can't have changed. So I can't be unwell, and I don't know what this means. Am I faking it? It feels like a test, like; 'Prove it that your not faking it!'. Who am I faking it for? No one knows, I haven't told anyone that this is how I feel right now, no one knows. But how do people not know? I look like a dead person, my face looks like it's dead and full of pus. I'm in limbo by not acting on it when my body tells me to. I can't think straight or function. I don't understand how they don't know, and that makes me think they do and that they're waiting - not in a mean way, just waiting like it's now. Like how the world is strange, this too seems strange, and I know it can't be right, but it feels real to me.
  2. trinity

    trinity Member

    R u taking any medicines..?
    or u having nightmares..?
  3. jarrah

    jarrah Member

    Hi Trinity - no I'm not taking any medicine (or drugs), I tried a medication for anxiety a few months ago but it made things a lot worse, my sleep, my mood. I don't have any nightmares, I don't get much sleep and when I do I wake up a lot. Do you have similar trouble/experiences?
  4. It might not be a bad idea to have a full physical done, just to make sure that your current problem is not physical in origin.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Maybe try a different medication? There are so many categories maybe the ones you tried just gave you awful side effects but that does not mean others will. It really is trial and error sometimes to find the right medications. I have sleep issues but zyprexa (it does cause me memory loss and so does valium) but the benefit far outweighs the side effects. I am really sorry for what you are going through. Keep talking to us.
  6. jarrah

    jarrah Member

    Hi thanks for the comments - I will make an appointment soon, I'm really hanging out to. The doctor I was seeing left town, the practice he worked at closed. I need to find another to get some help. A physical is a good idea, I know anxiety can cause things like this, but I guess it could be anything. I really need it if not fixed then manageable, or taken down a notch, it's making me sick.
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