For a while now I have been feeling that I am empty inside and that life is pointless. I was never very happy as an adolescent and young adult but always had some ambitious, self-improvement goals. I would convince myself that if only I was thinner, had better skin, was bubblier, was invited to more parties, had better grades, sat next to "cooler peole", had a better job, learned to drive etc, that I would finally be HAPPY. I never was. But then I would pinpoint the next thing I could change about myself to make me less repulsive. But lately I have given up. I no longer see any hope that changing anything will make me happy. I feel like nobody cares about me. That nobody really sees me. That I don't really matter to anyone. I have friends but I constantly feel like they are only associating with me out of pity. Deep down I don't think anybody cares about me. I'm the shoulder to cry on, the person to vent to, to ask for help. I'm never the focal point of anything. I feel like I'm watching life in the sidelines by myself instead of being in and amongst it all with everyone. Nothing happens to me. Nobody thinks of me. No guy has every liked me, all they have every wanted was solely sex. I don't really think anybody would be traumatised if I left this world except maybe my mother. Maybe they would be sad for a while, but that would mainly be because of their guilt. Meaningless. Lately when I have been waiting for the train on the platform I have had fantasies of stepping off. I have thought about just not braking when I am in the car. I don't know what to so, I hate feeling so hollow.